


In The End, What's Best For Me

by canthelpmyselves



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Multi, Post-Break Up, Reunions, past-poly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:48:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22360606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canthelpmyselves/pseuds/canthelpmyselves
Summary: Barry, Len and Mick used to be Barry/Len/Mick. But that was a long time ago. Now things are a lot different, even if the feelings are still there. Can they find a way to fix what went wrong or has too much gone wrong to ever be more than exes?
Relationships: Barry Allen/Carter Hall, Barry Allen/Leonard Snart/Mick Rory(past), Mick Rory/Leonard Snart
Comments: 252
Kudos: 177





	1. I feel unnecessary

Barry thumbed through the rack of sweaters with a weary sigh. Two hours of mall shopping (which he absolutely hated) and nothing had caught his eye yet. Their anniversary was coming up and he wanted, no, he _needed_ to get Len and Mick something spectacular! Something that would tell the two men how much he loved them.

“Hey, Barr.”

He turned and smiled at the familiar blonde heading his way. “Hey, Sara.” 

Sara reached out and gave him a one-armed hug, juggling her bags with the other. “Hey. Last minute shopping for the party?” she asked. “I swear you guys spoil each other.”

Barry frowned at her with confusion. “I don’t know...”

She rolled her eyes fondly and kissed his cheek. “I’m sure that whatever you and Len got Mick, he’ll love it. And once you two propose and he says yes, you can start planning an engagement party. You’re not supposed to give each other gifts, that’s for the guests to do. Well, except the ring, anyway.”

Barry froze and his hands dropped to his side. “A-actually, I w-was shopping for a-anniversary presents,” he stuttered.

Sara made a cooing sound and hugged him again. “Seriously, you guys are sickeningly sweet! I’ll see you Friday, okay? I can’t wait to see you and Len propose to Mick! It’s going to be so romantic!”

Barry dredged up a smile and watched her hurry away. As soon as he lost sight of her, he walked out of the store and headed toward the food court. It had the closest exit. Once outside Barry walked across the parking lot to the small park and found a bench to sit on.

Engagement party. Friday. Barry probably would have laughed if he wasn’t afraid it would make him throw up. He closed his eyes tight and let his mind wander.

* * *

As a college student on a tight budget, Barry never went to parties or clubs. He spent his time working or studying. He was at the university on a scholarship which barely covered tuition and dorm, so what money he made went to food, books and supplies. Orphaned when he was only six, then shuffled from one group home to the next until he was 18, Barry had no one to help him in life, but he managed. 

Then, one night while he was studying for an upcoming test, and waiting on the last customers to leave, someone cleared their throat and drew his attention. Len was the most gorgeous man Barry had ever met. He could barely get out the words to ask him what he could get for him.

“Let’s start with your name and phone number,” Len had answered. 

Barry had been smitten instantly. Not only was Len handsome, but he was smart, sweet and funny. They could (and did) spend hours just talking. The chemistry between them was intense, too. All it took was a heated glance from Len and Barry was ready to start stripping off his clothes. 

They had been seeing one another for a couple of weeks when Len dropped a bombshell on him. He was already in a long-term relationship. He quickly went on to explain that he and his partner, Mick, had seen Barry at the coffee shop and were very interested in getting to know him better. Len had volunteered to be the one to get to know Barry first and see if maybe there was something there. He told Barry that they would never pressure him but they hoped he would agree to meet Mick, who was finally coming back from a business trip, and get to know him.

In truth, Barry had been unsure and more than a little leery. He’d never been in a polyamory relationship before. Hell, this was his first actual relationship, ever! Still, he really liked Len and if Len thought he and Mick would hit it off, Barry was willing to give it a try. It turned out that he and Mick did better than just hit it off. The spark he felt with Len was there with Mick, as well. By the end of the month he was living with both of them. Barry had never been so happy. For the next eight months, he was in heaven. 

Then Len and Mick had a fight. Barry had no idea what it was over. Neither man would say. All he knew was that he was in the middle of stony silences, harsh looks and clenched jaws. Len began sleeping on the couch and Mick took to using the spare room. Barry was left alone in their cold bed. He tried to talk to both men, apart and together, but they kept telling him to stay out of it.

Several weeks later Barry came back from class to find them sleeping in their bed together. He was so happy to see that they had finally made up, that he had woken them up with kisses and they had laughed and pulled him into bed between them. Neither explained, but Barry was just so overjoyed that he let it slide.

Only…

Only things weren’t the same anymore. More and more Barry would come back from class or work and find they had already been intimate together and fallen asleep. At least once a week he came back to an empty apartment because they were on a date. Often he was already asleep by the time they came home. The kisses he used to get on the lips as he left for work or school moved to his forehead or cheek. 

Then there were the little slights. 

A stray kitten had managed to wiggle it’s way into their home, and Len adopted it. Seeing how much Len liked the small gray kitten, Barry went out after work one day and bought it a collar and catnip toy. Len never said a word. The next day he came home to find a small tag hanging from the collar and Len proudly told him that Mick had gotten it for him. Barry worked all day cooking Mick’s favorite meal from scratch, but Len was praised for bringing home ice cream.

Saturdays had always been date night for the three of them, since Barry could sleep in the next day if they were out late. After Len and Mick made up they started staying in and watching TV most weekends. They would cook and then, while Barry took care of cleaning up, the other two would make out on the couch. When he would finish and join them, the kissing would often stop. The few times they had gone out, Len and Mick focused most of their attention on one another. Barry was increasingly left feeling like an outsider. And god, did that hurt. 

Every day it seemed like there was another tiny piece of his heart that broke off. The sex, while still good, was infrequent and often only with one of them while the other was out. Len began sleeping curled up against Mick’s chest while Mick’s arms wrapped around Len tightly. Barry began curling up on the other side of the bed, hating the space between him and his boyfriends but completely lost as to how to close the distance.

Barry no longer felt like part of the relationship. He felt like the ‘other’ man. A trespasser. He tried to talk to them about it, honest, but any time he mentioned that things seemed to be changing, Len would get this closed off expression and say that he didn’t see any changes. Mick wouldn’t meet his eyes, mumbling that he hadn’t noticed anything different.

Last week, Len had made it a point to ask Barry to take this Saturday off work. It was a well known fact at the coffee shop that no one got a whole weekend off. You could have off Friday or Saturday, but not both, unless it was an emergency. Barry had been excited, thinking this was Len’s subtle way of making sure he was available for date night. 

Now he knew different. The remaining pieces of his heart shattered. In a few days Len was going to ask Mick to marry him, and he had made sure that Barry wouldn’t be there when he did. Barry closed his eyes tightly and struggled to keep the pain from overwhelming him.

“Stupid,” he hissed under his breath. “I’m so fucking stupid.” Of course it was going to end like this. They were together long before he met them. He was simply a… a whim. A temporary distraction. One that had been stupid enough to fall in love with two men who already loved one another.

What was he supposed to do now? Was he supposed to wait for them to ask him to move out? Could he bear to hear them say so? It was obvious they had lost interest. He no longer had a dorm room. He had no family. Most of his friends were their friends first. 

Barry slowly pulled himself together. He wasn’t a coward. He would go home (was it his home now?) and sit down with Len and Mick and talk this out. He needed to know where he stood. 

* * *

Curled up on the bed in the spare room, hidden under a thick fleece blanket, he bit into his fist to stifle his sobs. It was too easy to hear the muffled moans and gasps coming from the other side of the wall. The want in him was a heavy ache that threatened to choke him with its intensity, but his shredded pride refused to let him give in.

When he had walked into the flat, he had been greeted by both men with warm smiles. Much warmer than in recent weeks. He hung up his jacket and turned to tell them he needed to talk to them, but before he could get a word out, Len was pressing him back against the wall and kissing him breathless, all teeth and tongue. When Len pulled back Mick leaned in and pressed a kiss to Barry’s cheek. 

“Just in time,” Len purred. “We’ve got plans for you tonight, babe. Since you don’t have class in the morning, we thought we’d skip dinner and move straight to dessert,” he said, pressing his hips into Barry while Mick wrapped his arms around Len from behind and ground his hips into Len’s ass. Len smirked over his shoulder at Mick. “I told Mick it’s been a while since we had an all-nighter.”

A wave of nausea washed over Barry. Len was about to propose, so he wanted one last romp. Barry watched as they kissed deeply. Gently. Lovingly. So different from the lewd, almost pornographic kiss Len had given him. Because that’s all he was there for. Sex. 

Barry shuddered and ducked under Len’s arm and almost ran for the bathroom. He slammed the door shut and locked it quickly before sitting down on the edge of the tub and slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs. 

A few seconds later they were both knocking, sounding worried. Barry stammered out that he wasn’t feeling well. Mick asked if he wanted some tea and Len asked if there was anything he could do. As soon as Barry felt he had some control over himself he left the bathroom and mumbled he was tired and had a stomach ache. 

Mick offered to tuck him in and make him tea and toast, but Barry managed to wave him off and said he just needed sleep. He was proud of himself for not breaking down further in front of them as he told them he’d just stay in the spare room so he didn’t bother them in case he tossed and turned. Both men seemed put out by this, but they didn’t try to make him change his mind.

Barry lay in the dark room and did his best to ignore the sounds coming through the wall as he tried to decide what to do. By the time the sun rose, he had come to a decision. Turns out, he was a coward, after all.


	2. Hello, again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight years have passed and things are a lot different now. Barry now lives halfway around the world, working for Oliver at QSRDI. The last thing he expected when he went to work, was to run into his exes.

The door to the lab opened up behind him but Barry didn’t look up from the microscope. He held up a hand, pointer finger in the air, to tell whoever it was to give him a moment. He watched intently as the chemicals on the slide began reacting to the material. Smirking to himself, he dropped his hand and quickly wrote down some calculations on the pad beside him. Once he was done he raised up, stretched his arms over his head and rolled his aching neck.

“Hey, Barr.” 

Barry dropped his arms and turned a bit just as a well muscled arm was flung around his neck. “Hey, Ollie. Just in time. I think I may have found the right formula to counteract the polymer disintegration.”

Oliver Queen, president of the Queen Scientific Research and Discovery Institute, grinned widely. “Excellent! This day just keeps getting better!”

Barry returned his grin. “Oh? What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“Barr, remember that project I told you Star Labs was working on? The dark matter accelerator?” Barry nodded. Oliver dropped his arm to Barry’s waist and turned him toward the door. “Meet Len Snart, Mick Rory and Ray Palmer. We’re going to be working with them to make it happen.” 

Barry stared in shock at the two men he hadn’t seen in over eight years.

* * *

In truth, he wasn’t surprised to find someone standing outside his flat when he got home. He had managed to avoid talking directly to either man while Ollie explained how their labs, here in Helsinki, were going to be working in conjuncture with Star Labs back in the Central. When Ollie was done, and distracted by Dr. Palmer asking about some recent papers they had published, Len and Mick both stepped closer to Barry, but he was already moving out of the room, calling out to Ollie that he needed to get his results to Thea as quickly as possible. Barry used his intimate knowledge of the maze-like labs to evade Ollie and his guests for the rest of the day.

That’s also why he had stayed out later than usual. He has gone straight to Halo, a local club, after work, chatting with some of the regulars. After that he made a trip to the market, hoping that, if they had found out where he lived and gone to his place, they would give up and be gone by the time he arrived. Barry shifted his grocery bags to one hand and pulled his keys from his pocket with the other. “Mick,” he acknowledged calmly, with a quick nod before unlocking the door. 

Barry walked inside and flipped on the light as he headed to the kitchen to put everything away. He heard the door shut a little forcefully behind him, but refrained from commenting. No sense starting a fight over something inconsequential. He put away the groceries and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge before turning and sitting down at the small table. He slid one beer across to the other seat and opened his, taking a long drink.

Mick dropped down in the other seat and crossed his arms over his chest with a glare. “You disappeared,” he accused angrily.

Barry tilted his head slightly. Eight years was a long time and he had changed a great deal. “How long did it take you to notice?” he asked. A flicker of guilt crossed Mick’s face and Barry smirked.

Mick looked off to the side. “Things were… hectic at the time.”

Barry snorted. “I imagine so. There’s a lot that goes into planning a wedding,” he said, nodding toward the ring on Mick’s hand. “I figured it would take you two a few days to notice. I was right, from what I heard.”

Mick paled, looking at Barry with surprise. “You… you knew? Before you left?”

“That Len was going to propose?” Barry asked. He nodded. “I knew.”

“And you left anyway?” Mick roared, dropping his hands to grip the table edge.

Barry shrugged. It had been a long time since he felt anything but numb about the past, so Mick’s anger didn’t really bother him. “Looking back, I probably could have handled it better, but I was young, barely twenty-two. I saw the writing on the wall. You two were going to get married. You’d been pushing me away from a while. It was time to move on. I can admit I took the easy way out, leaving while you two were at work, but like I said, I knew you wouldn’t miss me.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Mick demanded. “We had a good thing going!”

Barry snorted and took another drink. After a couple of seconds he realized Mick was serious. “A good thing?” Barry repeated. “For you two, sure. Me? Not so much.”

Mick gaped at him for a long moment. “Doll… are you saying you weren’t happy?” he asked faintly.

Barry felt a tendril of anger unfurl inside him. “Happy?” He paused to bite the inside of his cheek to help him stay calm. “How was I supposed to be happy?” he asked in an almost reasonable tone. “I was often ignored, left out or pushed aside. Those last couple of months were awful for me.”

Mick’s mouth opened and closed several times, his complexion paling. “I didn’t… we never… why didn’t you say anything?”

Barry shrugged, sipping his beer. “I tried. You and Len didn’t care. You said you didn’t see any problem with how things were. And why would you? You were happy. You were each other’s world. I was the one who didn’t fit.”

“You always fit!” Mick protested. “You were ours! A part of us!”

Barry slammed his bottle back down onto the table hard. The noise startled both of them. He forced himself to take a couple of slow breaths before speaking in a low voice. “You rarely talked to me. Rarely touched me. Left me out of almost everything. I was an afterthought, most days. When you did notice me, it was just sex, but only while the other was gone. I started to feel like a dirty little secret. When I tried to talk to either of you, or even both of you, I got shut down. Then I found out from Sara about the engagement party. Planned for a night when Len made sure I would be working. When I got home that last night, I was going to make you both talk to me. To try and figure out where I stood. Instead, you both met me at the door, because Len wanted an all-nighter. One last good fucking before becoming engaged.” Barry stood and drained the last of his beer before tossing the bottle into the rubbish bin.

He left the kitchen, Mick hurrying to follow. Barry opened the front door which made Mick’s eyes widen in alarm. “Thanks for stopping by, Mick. It’s late and I have to work in the morning.”

Mick moved closer, but froze when Barry sidestepped out of reach. “Doll,” he said softly.

“Barry,” he corrected.

Mick sighed sadly. “You’ll always be Doll to me.”

Barry gave a choked off laugh. “Goodnight, Mick.”

Mick hesitated a moment before stepping out of the flat. Barry quickly closed and locked the door. He took in a shaky breath and walked back into the kitchen. He made a sandwich and ate it, using Mick’s untouched beer to wash it down. Then he stripped, showered and crawled into bed. Sleep evaded him, though. When the sun began to rise he forced himself out of bed and grabbed his phone, dialing quickly.

“Hey, handsome," Barry said tiredly. "Can we meet up for coffee? I need to talk to you.”

* * *

Barry managed to avoid running into either man for the next two days. He knew they, along with Palmer, were busy getting the two labs synced up for satellite conferences so they could begin working on the project because Thea and Shawna, two of the worst gossips at QSRDI, were constantly talking about it. For his part, Barry kept quiet about the two men. He wasn’t ashamed of his past. He had a couple of close friends who knew he had once been in a poly relationship. They knew it had ended badly for him. It just wasn’t something he discussed with work associates or casual friends. 

** *

He managed to avoid any sort of drama until Friday came. Barry was looking forward to the weekend. He was even planning on leaving work early. Just after 11am the door of his lab opened and Len walked in. Barry tensed slightly before giving a nod. “Hi.”

Len walked across the room to lean his hip against the corner of Barry’s desk. “Scarlet.”

“Barry,” he corrected automatically, rolling his eyes. 

Len smirked and leaned a little closer. “You used to like it when I called you Scarlet.”

“I also used to like pop-tarts for breakfast,” Barry quipped. “Now I prefer omelets. Is there something I can help you with, Len?”

Something flickered in the older man’s eyes, but it was gone before Barry could place it. “I thought it was time you and I talked,” he drawled.

Barry stood and walked over to the fax machine. He scanned his formulas and sent them to Felicity’s email before turning back around. “Now’s not a good time. I’m in kind of a rush.”

“Running away again, Scarlet?” he accused coldly.

Barry looked at him with exasperation. “No. I have plans for the weekend and I need to get going if I’m going to catch my train.”

“Change them,” Len growled. 

“Non-refundable,” Barry answered. He straightened up his work bench and left a note for the cleaners asking them to leave the adjacent storage room alone for now. 

“We need to talk,” Len insisted. “About what you said to Mick.”

“It’s going to have to wait until Tuesday,” Barry said, standing his ground. “I have plans and I’m not about to change them just because you and Mick blow in from across the ocean.”

Barry’s phone trilled before Len could speak. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the message quickly. 

“Who the hell is HR and why is he looking forward to your getaway?” demanded Len from right over his shoulder.

Barry stiffened slightly and moved aside. “Rude, much?” he snapped. He grabbed his pea coat from the hook behind the door and slipped it on. “Bye.” Barry hurried out of the lab and walked quickly toward the elevators. He could hear Len keeping step right behind him. When he got on the elevator, Len was right beside him. Nate, from the testing department, was the only other occupant. They exchanged slight smiles but no one spoke. Nate got off on the second floor, and as soon as the door closed behind him, Len reached over and slapped the STOP button. 

Barry turned to snap at him, only to find himself pulled into a tight embrace. Len slammed their mouths together in a heated kiss. Instantly Barry felt that same old passion rising up inside him. Len had always been able to reduce Barry to a quivering mass of lust, and for a couple of heartbeats, he responded to that passion. 

It was when Len reached up to run his fingers through Barry’s hair that he regained his senses and began pushing Len away. Len was stronger than Barry, but as soon as Barry began to struggle, Len released him. Barry drew in several shaky breaths, his eyes wide and his heart thudding too fast.

“You still want me,” Len said smugly.

Barry swallowed hard and steeled himself against the desire he felt. He had fought hard over the years to learn how to control his emotions. “And that means what, exactly?” he sneered. “You’re a handsome man, Len. That, plus our history makes it pretty much assured that you can turn me on. Well, guess what, that doesn’t make you unique. There’s a lot of handsome men out there. Even a few with a similar history. But that’s all it is.”

Jealous flickered in Len’s eyes before they turned amused. “I doubt anyone else has the same history with you that Mick and I have.”

Barry gave in to the urge to lash out. “You’re right. It’s been a while since it took two guys to satisfy me.” He felt a vindictive thrill at the way Len’s jaw clenched in anger. He reached over and restarted the elevator. 

Len stepped closer, only an inch separating them. “This discussion isn’t over, Scarlet.”

Barry exhaled with relief as the elevator hit the ground floor and the doors opened. “Yes it is, Len. I said all I need to say to Mick. The past is the past. I moved on. I’m sure you two have, as well.”

“We had something special!” Len hissed.

“Maybe we did,” Barry conceded, stepping into the lobby. “But things are different now.”

“I don’t think so,” Len argued. “Even after all these years, we still have passion.”

“I don’t fuck married men,” Barry growled before turning and walking away. Once outside the building he buttoned his coat and began walking home at a fast clip. He ruthlessly shoved Len and Mick from his mind and began mentally reviewing his travel plans. By the time he got home and grabbed his bag, he was calmer. When HR arrived he greeted him with a real smile and they headed down to the taxi.


	3. Setting ground rules.

Barry groaned as the elevator dinged a little too loudly for his sanity. When the doors opened, he stepped into the hall and walked slowly toward his flat, dragging his backpack behind him. He reached his door and leaned his forehead against the cool wood for several wonderfully silent seconds before digging through his pockets for his keys. 

“You look like hell.”

Barry bit back a groan (mostly because he couldn’t take the noise) and closed his eyes. “Go away,” he whispered.

“Sorry, Doll,” Mick said (a little too loudly, in Barry’s opinion). “Can’t do that.”

Barry whimpered as he turned his head to the side and looked at the two men standing a few feet away, bags of take out containers in their hands. Even with his sunglasses on the hall light was just too bright. “Why?” he whined, cringing at the way his own voice made his head throb more.

“We live here,” Len said with a smirk. “Queen offered us the extra room in the company flat and we were happy to accept.”

Barry sighed. “Of course you were,” he whispered, turning his head back forward. He finally found his keys and unlocked the door as quietly as he could. It still sounded like a gunshot to him. He straightened up and opened the door, stepping into the blessed darkness with relief. Mick stepped inside after him, grabbing his bag from his loose grip. Len stepped in behind Mick and shut the door behind him.

“No lights,” Barry mumbled, stumbling over to the couch and plopping down, face first. He was literally too hungover to care that he had company. 

“Have fun?” Len growled.

Barry lifted an arm about halfway and gave a thumbs up before letting it drop to the floor. He nuzzled into the throw pillow under his cheek and sighed softly. He was asleep only seconds later, not even waking when Mick lifted him up and carried him to his bedroom.

* * *

The next thing Barry knew, sunlight was hitting his face. He sat up with a groan and slowly shifted until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. His hangover was mostly gone, but the aches and pains from the weekend were still with him. He stood and grabbed clean clothes from the dresser before shuffling to the bathroom. Thirty minutes later, dressed, clean but only slightly more awake, he made his way to the kitchen. Intent on coffee, he didn’t even notice the two men on the couch until he was pulling a mug from the cabinet. Slowly he sat the mug down, turned and walked back into the living room.

Sure enough, Mick and Len were sitting on either end of the couch, their legs tangled together as they read on their tablets. Barry frowned, piecing together the vague memories of yesterday. He ignored the grins on their faces as they watched him pick up the cordless phone beside the couch. Barry dialed and pressed the phone to his ear. 

“Ollie? Did you move two men into my flat?   
I know that. You couldn’t warn me?  
Yes, I have a problem with it.  
Because I came back from a trip and found I suddenly had roommates.  
What do you mean they insisted?”

At this point Barry was glaring at the unrepentant men. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “No. It’ll be fine. Bye.” Barry hung up and sighed. “Seriously? You had Ollie move you two into my flat while I was away?”

“Company flat,” Len said, shifting his feet to the floor and standing up. “Besides, from what we’ve been told, you’ve had other guests stay here, before. It’s not like anyone will think it’s strange, if you’re worried about rumors,” he teased.

Barry turned and walked back into the kitchen. “I can’t have this conversation without caffeine,” he grumbled. He filled his mug and dumped several teaspoons of sugar into it before grabbing a bottle of aspirin from the top of the fridge and swallowing two. He sat down at the table and rubbed his temples.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you hungover,” Mick said, sitting across from him. The disapproval in his voice made Barry’s eyes narrow. “In fact, you used to hate drinking more than a single beer.”

“Okay, let’s get something straight,” Barry said as Len leaned back against the counter after making his own cup of coffee. “I’m not the same guy you used to know. A lot can change in eight years.”

“Not as much as you might think,” Len argued.

Barry shot him a glare. “Whatever you say, Len.” He took a sip of his coffee and sighed. “Look, I’m too tired and too sore to argue. You’re staying here. Nothing I can do about that without having to explain things to Ollie I have no intention of explaining. So, let’s just lay down a few ground rules. Stay out of my room and my belongings. Try to keep the noise at a comfortable level. If you two are going to fight like you used to, go somewhere else. The flat below me is Mrs. Hensley’s. She in her 80’s and gets panic attacks when startled.”

Barry finished his coffee and stood up, putting the mug in the sink. He walked into the living room and curled up in one of the armchairs, reaching for the remote to the TV. Len and Mick got settled on the couch again, eyes on Barry.

The cordless phone rang and Mick, being the closest, picked it up. “Hello?”

There was a short pause. “Who’s this?”

Mick clutched the cordless receiver tighter. “Who’s this?” he demanded in return.

“I’m HR. Is Barry in?” the guy asked.

Mick wordlessly held out the phone to Barry. Barry took it and held it to his ear. 

“Hello?  
Hey, HR.   
Shit, I didn’t even notice.   
And whose fault was that?  
Yeah, I’m pretty sure the ice bars were your idea.  
What?” 

Barry’s eyes widened and he stood up quickly, rushing to the closet. He opened the door and turned sideways, putting his left shoulder toward the mirror. He raised his shirt up in the back, easily spotting the bottom edge of a fresh tattoo. Dropping the shirt, Barry groaned and closed his eyes.

“Somehow this is your fault, too.  
No, don’t bother. I’ll run over later to grab my phone and laptop.  
Okay. See you then.”

Barry hung up and set the phone on the end table before peeling his shirt off and craning his neck to get a better look at the tattoo. Tribal lightning bolts formed the outline of a skeletal dragon with blood red eyes. It covered his entire left shoulder.

“Motherfucker,” Barry growled under his breath.

“Scarlet...”

For a moment he had forgotten he had company. Turning his head, he barely managed to get out a squeak before Len was kissing him hard. A second later another pair of lips were attacking the side of his neck. Barry’s knees buckled and it was only the four hands gripping his hips and waist tightly that kept him upright. Barry’s mind went blank as they crowded closer and he could feel them hardening through their jeans. A hand skimmed the front of his jeans. The sound of a zipper pull barely registered. Then blunt teeth sank into the lobe of his ear and familiar thick fingers scratched the edge of his briefs. Barry froze as the emotions he had buried tried to resurface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm evil for stopping here. I have no shame. :)


	4. Tatted and Tattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite still being attracted to Mick and Len, Barry is still too hurt to let them get close to him.

_For a moment he had forgotten he had company. Turning his head, he barely managed to get out a squeak before Len was kissing him hard. A second later another pair of lips were attacking the side of his neck. Barry’s knees buckled and it was only the four hands gripping his hips and waist tightly that kept him upright. Barry’s mind went blank as they crowded closer and he could feel them hardening through their jeans. A hand skimmed the front of his jeans. The sound of a zipper pull barely registered. Then blunt teeth sank into the lobe of his ear and familiar thick fingers scratched the edge of his briefs. Barry froze as the emotions he had buried tried to resurface._

“No,” Barry gasped. Hands tightened and he began to panic. “NO!”

Barry twisted and pushed until he managed to stumble from between them. His hip hit the couch arm hard and he scrambled to stay upright. He stared, pupils blown, at the two men breathing heavily in front of him. The arousal, the need he felt, was reflected in their eyes. Barry closed his eyes and ruthlessly pushed it into a tight ball deep in his chest as he quickly zipped his pants back up. 

“Doll...”

“Scarlet...”

“BARRY!” he screamed. He flinched, curling in on himself a little. He took a couple of deep breaths and let them out slowly. He could feel he was close to tears, so he clenched his hands, digging his nails into his palms, hoping the pain would help him focus.

“Okay,” Mick said gently. “Barry. We didn’t mean to move on you like this. It’s just...” Mick huffed and glanced at Len for a second before looking back at him. “You still turn us on. You gotta know that. Seeing you, that ink on you… Damn, Doll. It’s hot.”

Len was staring at Barry’s torso intently, but he gave a stilted nod of agreement. 

Barry jerked his shirt back on to cover up. He knew what he looked like. He’d had other lovers who had commented on his body art. There was a ring of tiny snowflakes around his navel. A reminder to never let anyone freeze him out again. Gray plumes of smoke rose up from a lit match on his right hip up to his rib cage. A promise to himself that he was through being burned by others. Along his clavicles he had the words ‘Jump and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall’ written in Old English script. On his upper right arm was a dead tree, many of its branches broken. Under it stood a silhouette of a grim reaper, his scythe pointed at the ground. A reminder that nothing lasts forever, all things eventually die. In the middle of his spine there was a lover’s knot with the words ‘Et me solum pertinent ad te’ above it. It was Latin for ‘I belong to me and me alone’. On his left hip, following the line of his Adonis belt, was the chemical formula for serotonin so he would always remember that depression could be overcome. His favorite piece covered his left calf from knee to ankle. He didn’t remember much about his parents, but he did remember how much his mother loved blackberries. He knew his dad had been a well respected doctor. Done in honor of his parents, Nora and Henry, his entire lower leg was covered in blackberry vines dotted with large ripe berries and small blooms. Peeking through the leaves were several caduceus symbols. With the exception of his newest piece, all of his art had a purpose, even the one no one knew about.

On his right wrist, under his watch band, was one he had bribed his usual artist into letting him do himself. Six numbers and two dashes. A date. One that changed his life forever. The day he found out just how little he meant to the two men who meant the world to him. He kept it covered, even when he was with a lover, so he would never have to explain it’s meaning.

Barry pushed off the couch and moved around it quickly. “Alright. It’s pretty obvious that there’s still some... lust here,” he admitted reluctantly, waving a hand between them all. 

Len smirked and licked his lips. “Just like always,” he said huskily.

“Barry, we never stopped wanting you,” Mick said gently. 

“Yes, you did.” Barry wrapped his arms around his waist and sighed. “Things changed when you two had your ‘super secret’ big fight. For weeks you wouldn’t talk to each other unless you were shouting. You didn’t talk to me unless you were trying to piss one another off. Len slept on the couch and you took the spare room. I was caught in the middle, but left in the dark. Then you made up and you were happier than ever. Only I wasn’t a part of it, any longer.

You went on dates while I was at work. You had sex while I was at school. You would lay on the couch in each other’s arms while I was relegated to the chair. We slept in the same bed, but it always felt like I was intruding. For three months neither of you so much as held my hand if the other was there. The only time either of you even noticed me was when the other was out. Like I was just a... a place holder.”

“That’s not true!” Len growled.

“Yes, it is,” Mick said quietly. Len gave him a betrayed look as Mick ran a hand over his head. “Be honest, Lenny. He’s right. You know he is. After our fight, well, we kinda got wrapped up in making up. We focused on one another. Not hard to see why, considering we were fighting because of...”

“Mick!” Len shot Barry a worried glance before turning to his husband. “Okay, so maybe we got a little bit of tunnel vision,” he turned back to Barry, “but that didn’t mean we didn’t want you, too!”

“Maybe,” Barry conceded. “But months of being ignored gets old, Len. You didn’t just forget me, though. You actively blocked me out. You deliberately planned things for when I wasn’t there. You manipulated my schedule to keep me out of the way.”

Len paled and looked down at the floor. “I... I wasn’t trying to hurt you. Mick and me, we’ve been together since we were fourteen. That fight... it almost broke us. I just wanted to fix that. I couldn’t lose him.”

Barry dropped his arms. “I get that. It’s why I left. What you two have... I’m not a part of that. I never was. And I have no intentions of starting any of that back up. Yes, I’m still attracted to both of you. Not going to deny that you’re both still very sexy and charming men when you want to be. But I don’t get involved with married men. Even without our past, I wouldn’t fall into bed with either of you.”

“What about both of us?” Mick asked. “It’s not cheating if we’re both involved.”

“Fidelity isn’t the issue,” Barry answered. “It’s the fact that I wouldn’t be put first. I learned my lesson. If I can’t be someone’s focus, I’m not interested. The person I am involved with gets my full attention and I expect the same from him.”

Len watched him closely, a hint of jealousy in his eyes. “You’re dating someone.”

Barry hesitated a moment before giving a shrug. “Not exactly. Talking. Testing the waters, so to speak. We haven’t known one another long.”

“Who?”

“None of your business.” Barry ran a hand through his hair tiredly. “Look, it’s been a long weekend and I’m exhausted. Two days of rock climbing and camping have wiped me out. Not to mention the massive amounts of vodka we drank when we came back down the mountain. I’m tired and cranky and hungry. Plus I have to run across town and get my phone and laptop back from HR later. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to end this conversation and grab a bite to eat.”

He didn’t wait for a reply. He just grabbed his keys from the coffee table and walked out of the flat. He managed to stay calm until he was alone in the elevator, where he slumped against the back wall and sobbed a couple of times as tears spilled down his cheeks. 

Six months. That’s how long this project’s set-up was supposed to take. How the fuck was he going to handle living with the two men he still cared for, but could never really have, for six fucking months?


	5. Sometimes Explanations Don't Help.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len, Mick and Barry talk about the past.

Work didn’t change much for Barry. Len and Mick were busy getting the computer systems in place and choosing their team members. As a chemist, Barry wasn’t a part of the project. He was able to keep doing his work without having to spend much time with either man. In fact, the only times he saw them at work was during lunch. Both men made sure to join him for that hour, no matter how busy they were. At first it was silent, tense and awkward, but they kept coming back and the tension lessened. Weekends and evenings were a bit more difficult, but not impossible. Luckily for Barry, he had a fairly active social life. It wasn’t too hard to find excuses to stay out in the evenings of the following week. 

Not long after they moved in Barry had the misfortune of HR dropping by unexpectedly and meeting Len and Mick. Being the social butterfly he was, HR immediately began showing the two foreigners all of his favorite hot spots. Too soon, they were joining Barry and HR almost every night. It was inevitable that, at some point, his exes would meet his new boyfriend. It was awkward, to say the least. 

***

Barry wasn’t actually meeting up with his friends that night. He was on a date with Carter. They had gone out for a nice meal and a walk before stopping in at Halo for drinks. It was their eighth date but Barry was feeling less than hopeful. They had a lot of the same interests, there was never any awkwardness in their conversations, and Carter kissed like it was his only goal in life. Unfortunately, the spark just wasn’t there. Plus, the stress from having Len and Mick back in his life was putting more doubts in his head. They settled at the bar and drank a beer before heading onto the dance floor. 

Despite the doubts he felt, Barry liked the way Carter molded his wider frame to Barry’s more slender one. With his arms around Carter’s neck, they were in the perfect position to share a few whispered words as they moved to the beat. Barry was about to suggest they head back to the bar when someone tapped Carter on the shoulder.

“Mind if I cut in?” Len asked, his jaw clenched.

Carter must have felt Barry tense because he looked at him briefly before turning back to Len. “Actually, I do.”

A cold smirk tugged at Len’s lips. “Afraid I’ll steal your date?”

Barry glared at his ex fiercely. “Stop it, Len,” he hissed.

Carter laughed and pressed a kiss to Barry’s lips. “Steal him? You couldn’t hold on to him in the first place.” Barry winced as Len’s expression turned even colder. Carter raised an eyebrow. “Did you think I wouldn’t know about you? Barry called me the day you showed up and told me everything.” He turned his eyes back to Barry. “Gotta like a man who doesn’t hide things. Come on, babe. Let’s get out of here.”

Barry nodded quickly, eager to be out of this awkward situation. Carter got them a cab and gave the driver his address. Barry sighed and turned to tell Carter he should probably just go home, but the other man quickly shushed him.

“This isn’t about sex,” he said softly. “Look, Barry, I like you. You’re a great guy. But I’m not blind. We’re not clicking, emotionally. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, though. It’s obvious that you still love those two men. I can see it in your eyes. But I also know they hurt you pretty bad. You know I have a spare room. Stay tonight and get some rest, away from the drama. Okay?”

Barry relaxed and nodded. “Thanks, Carter. I wish things were different. You’re almost perfect, you know.”

Carter gave Barry a chaste kiss. “I know.”

* * *

When Barry got home the flat was empty. He took the opportunity to shower and fix himself some lunch before curling up on the couch with a book. He was barely a dozen pages in when the front door opened. He kept his attention on the book with effort. A few seconds passed before the door closed with a loud click. 

“There’s coffee in the kitchen if you want,” Barry said calmly, re-reading the same paragraph twice.

“So, you finally came home,” Len growled.

“Len,” Mick muttered softly in warning.

Heavy footsteps stomped to the kitchen and Barry heard cabinet doors opening and closing. Mick walked past him and sat down on the other end of the couch. Barry closed his book and looked up. He was a little surprised by the pain in the other man’s eyes. 

“This guy,” Mick began hesitantly. “You love him?”

Barry sighed and shifted to put his feet on the floor. If it had been Len who asked, with his angry eyes and snide tone, Barry could have walked away. Seeing the sadness in Mick’s eyes, that was harder to ignore. “No,” he answered. “I like him. Carter is... nice and smart and fun. We’ve only been dating for a couple of months.”

“Only took me a week to fall in love,” Mick said softly.

Barry’s jaw tightened and he looked away. “Yeah, well, Carter and I aren’t you and Len.” He scooted forward to get up, but Mick grabbed his wrist quickly.

“I mean you,” Mick said, his voice firm but gentle. “Barry, I love you. I always have.”

“Don’t!” Barry hissed, immediately enraged. “Don’t you dare say that!”

“But it’s true,” Mick insisted. He exhaled shakily and looked down at where he held onto Barry. “When you disappeared... god, Doll, you have no idea how fucking bad that hurt. Len and I had finally gotten ourselves straightened out and then you were gone. I know you felt like we didn’t want you, but we did. We still do. You were…” Mick hesitated for a few seconds before looking up. “You are our heart. You bring out the best in us.”

Barry twisted his wrist until Mick let it go. He stood and put some distance between them. “Even if I believed you, _even if I wanted to believe you_ , you didn’t notice I was gone for two days! When you did, it took you another three days before you tried to contact me. I may not have had many friends, but the few I did have were more than happy to tell me how you and Len came asking after me almost a fucking week later! Do you have any idea how badly those last couple of months with you two fucked me up? It took years before I had the confidence to date again! Even now I sometimes have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that someone might actually want me!”

Barry looked over at Len who was standing in the kitchen entrance with a stunned expression. “Yes, I handled the situation badly. I probably should have tried harder to talk to both of you. I should have stood up for my needs more. Back then, I didn’t know how to do that, nor did I have the confidence to do so. But I’ve learned how to since then. I’ve also learned not to put myself in that position again.”

He paused and took a deep breath. “I’m glad that you guys are still together, because, quite honestly, I still have a small amount of affection for you both and I want you to be happy. But I am not, nor do I want to be, a part of your relationship. I want to be someone’s world the same way you two are for each other.”

“You’re our world,” Len said softly. Barry snorted and turned to walk back to his bedroom. “Mick wasn’t the only one I was going to propose to.”

Barry froze. After a couple of seconds he twisted his torso to look back at Len. “What?”

Len stared at Barry intently. “Yes, I proposed to Mick that Friday. I thought it only right to ask him first since we had been together the longest. But I was going to propose to you on Saturday. We both were. I... I swear I didn’t know you were unhappy, Scarlet.” Len sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. “That’s a lie. I knew. I just ignored it. I hoped it would go away once I proposed. You know I’m shit at emotional stuff. I didn’t know how to fix it, but I thought you’d understand once I told you I wanted to marry you. That we both wanted to marry you. But then you were gone.”

“It did take us two days to realize you weren’t coming home,” Mick admitted, standing up. “We thought you were working or in class, sleeping in the spare room because you told us you weren’t feeling good. When you didn’t come home at all on Saturday, we got worried. By the time we realized your stuff was gone, too, well, you had already left school and work. We didn’t know where you went or how to get in touch with you. We tried. We talked to everyone who had even the slightest contact with you. Never expected you would leave the whole damn country.”

“Ollie helped me,” Barry said. “We had been friends in high school. I knew Ollie had taken over this branch of his family's business here in Helsinki. I called him and told him I needed a fresh start. He flew me out, let me stay with him and helped me get a student visa. Even gave me a job while I completed my degree here.”

“Were you two…” Mick paused and gave a heavy sigh. “Sorry. None of our business.”

“Ollie and I are just friends,” Barry said, answering the unasked question. 

“It was over you.” Barry looked at Len with confusion as he took a step closer. “Our fight. I knew Mick was in love with you and I got scared that he wanted you more than he wanted me.”

Mick nodded, his expression pained. “I felt the same. That Len was going to leave me and take you with him. I thought I was losing both of you.”

“We kept getting more and more angry and paranoid. We said things that almost destroyed us,” Len explained. “We’ve always been good at hitting each other’s weak spots. So, when we finally made up, we... we took you for granted. We just figured you’d always be there.”

“We didn’t realize you didn’t know how we felt about you. We were so sure you knew how we felt that we concentrated on repairing us, thinking you would understand.” Mick moved a little closer, stopping when Barry tensed. A flicker of grief crossed his face but his voice stayed soft. “God, doll, when we found out you were here? We almost packed our bags and flew out right then. Lisa made us wait. She told us that just showing up wouldn’t work. We needed a plan so you couldn’t just ignore us or run again. So, we convinced the board at STAR Labs to reach out to Queen about working in tandem. Then we pushed ourselves onto the project and volunteered to come here and set things up.”

“We had to see you,” Len said softly. “To be with you again. Scarlet, we never stopped loving you. These past eight years have been so lonely without you. For both of us.”

Barry shuddered, feeling overwhelmed by the emotions bombarding him. It was his fault they had been fighting? He was the reason everything went to shit? He wrapped his arms around his waist and clutched tightly at his sides as he tried to withstand the pain and anger that rose up in him. “You fucking ruined me,” he whispered shakily, not noticing the way they both paled upon hearing his words. “You… you made me feel worthless.” He sucked in air to try and stop his chest from feeling so tight. “And you thought I’d just get over it if you proposed?” his voice getting louder with each word until he was shouting. 

“Scarlet,” Len began, his voice cracking slightly.

“Fuck you!” Barry yelled. “You broke my heart, Len! You damn near broke my spirit! And you thought a proposal was going to make me forget three months of pure hell?” Barry couldn’t hold back the ragged sobs that tore at his throat any longer. His eyes burned as tears spilled down his cheeks. He shut them tight as his body curled forward in agony. “Fuck you both,” he whispered over and over.

Large warm hands wrapped around his upper arms, but he was too tired, too devastated, to pull away. He stiffened as his head was pushed against a broad chest and he knew from the scent of sandalwood it was Mick holding him. A moment later arms wrapped around him from behind and he could smell pine and snow. In the deep recesses of his mind he knew he should fight free. He should push them both away. But he was so wrecked, emotionally, he could only sob harder.

Barry had no idea how long he stood there, pressed between the two men. He just knew that when the sobs quieted and the shuddering eased off, his mind began mercifully going blank. He gave himself over to it, eagerly. He just wanted the pain to stop.


	6. Rising Tensions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry has to sort through some old hurts and Mick and Len are expecting company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely love Lisa Snart. She's funny and sly and gorgeous and utterly devoted to those she loves. The Lisa in this story is different. She is mean-spirited and spoiled. She's not above manipulating her brother and Mick to get her way. I should also point out that Oliver is Barry's boss but not part of his social circle. Sara and Dig enter the story here but neither of them know Oliver or each other.

His head was throbbing. His throat was sore and dry. His chest felt like it was in a vise. Slowly Barry rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling with scratchy, bloodshot eyes. Thankfully he was alone at the moment, although he could hear voices through the open bedroom door. With a soft exhale he sat up and put his feet on the floor, reaching for his phone. It rang four times before being answered.

“Bare? What’s up?”

“Hey, Dig,” he said tiredly. “I’m going to have to bow out of the show tonight. I’m... a little under the weather.”

“That sucks, man. No prob. You sound like shit. Need anything?”

Barry sighed and shook his head, even though his friend couldn’t see him. “I’m good. Just not up to going out tonight.”

“Carter will be disappointed,” Dig replied before his voice turning teasing. “Or is he playing nurse tonight?”

“No. I’m pretty sure he’s still going,” Barry told him. “I’ll catch up with you next week, okay?”

“Sure thing, man. Feel better,” Dig said, before hanging up.

Barry set his phone beside him and scrubbed his face with his hands, trying to erase the weariness. He braced his forearms on his knees and let his head droop down. 

“How are you feeling?”

Barry's stomach flipped but he managed to keep himself from tensing or jumping in surprise. “Like I’ve been hit by a lorry,” he answered. 

Len walked into the room, coming around the bed so they were facing one another. “Mick’s cooking,” he said hesitantly. “If you’re hungry, I mean. He’s making your favorite, that chicken casserole thing.”

Barry sighed heavily. “I’m not doing this, Len. I’m not playing house or doing the whole ‘domestic’ thing. Enjoy your dinner. If I get hungry, I’ll order a pizza.”

Len’s hands clenched before he shoved them into the pockets of his slacks. “Why are you fighting us so hard?” he asked angrily. “We’re trying to make this right, Barry! Dammit, what do you want?”

Barry stood and faced his former lover tiredly. “To be honest, I don’t know. I don’t know what I want, anymore. But I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to feel second best. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Len insisted hopefully. “You have us. You just have to let us in, Scarlet. You can trust us! I swear it!”

Barry stared at the older man for several seconds. “I don’t date married men, Len. I don’t sleep with them. I don’t fool around with them.” Barry moved around him and opened his dresser. He pulled out some pajamas and left the bedroom without another word. 

Once inside the bathroom, Barry stripped and stepped into the shower. He turned the water as hot as he could stand it and began mechanically scrubbing clean. Once the water began to turn cold, he got out, dried off and dressed. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a pill bottle from the small first aid kit and shook two into his hand. He swallowed them dry before brushing his teeth. He could hear Len and Mick talking quietly in the kitchen as he walked back to his bedroom. He crawled back into the bed and pulled the blankets up to his neck and closed his eyes, waiting for the sleeping pills to take effect.

* * *

For the next few days Barry made sure to stay away from the flat as much as possible. He began eating lunch in his lab. A problem had developed with some of the software that made the satellite up-link work, so Len and Mick spent three days working long hours on that, which made avoiding them even easier. Then the weekend came and on Saturday Barry woke up to Mick preparing a turkey and all the fixings. Len was vacuuming. Barry paused in the entrance way and eyed them warily. 

Almost simultaneously both men stopped what they were doing and gave Barry sheepish looks. Mick was the first to speak. “Hey, Doll. Sleep well?”

Barry’s jaw clenched at the old nickname, but by now he had realized it was useless to protest. They were going to call him Doll and Scarlet no matter how much he objected. “Fine. What’s with the spring cleaning?”

Len cleared his throat and began winding up the vacuum cord. “Company,” he mumbled. “So, um, Lisa and Sara are going to visit.”

Barry felt a ball of anxiety forming in his stomach. It had been a long time since he last spoke to Lisa, and it had not gone well. “Oh? When?”

Mick and Len looked at each other before turning back to him. “12,” Mick answered.

“The twelfth?” Barry repeated. That was still a couple of weeks away. Plenty of time to prepare. 

Mick shook his head. “No. Twelve today. Noon.”

The ball of anxiety grew and Barry pinched the bridge of his nose. “And you’re only telling me this now?”

Len looked a little guilty. “We wanted to surprise you. Look, you don’t have to do anything. We’re taking care of everything. We’ll take care of all the meals and cleaning up. Sara and Lisa are going to take our room and we’ll use the pull-out sofa...”

No!” Barry snapped immediately. Mick and Len both tensed but he didn’t care. “Lisa is not staying in my home.”

Len frowned, looking both confused and a little annoyed. “She’s my sister.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Barry growled. “There are dozens of hotels, inns and hostels. She can stay somewhere else.”

Mick moved closer, placing a hand on Len’s shoulder. “What’s wrong? Why Lisa and not Sara?” he asked gently.

Len’s eyes widened. When Barry didn’t immediately answer, he moved closer, dragging Mick with him. “Scarlet, why not Lisa? Why don't you want her here?”

“For the usual reasons,” he admitted.

Mick and Len both looked confused. “What do you mean? What usual?”

Barry shrugged, trying to push aside the old feeling of worthlessness he had thought he had moved past. “You know, the way she slings those little digs she was always so fond of.”

Len frowned slightly. “You know Lisa likes to tease.”

Barry snorted and began heading toward the kitchen. “Whatever. I draw the line at having someone verbally abuse me in my own home.”

“That’s a little harsh,” Mick chastised.

“She would never abuse someone! Not after our childhood,” Len insisted.

Barry shook his head. “I know she’s your sister, and you love her, but she doesn’t like me. She was always insulting me. She wanted me gone. You said it yourself, she convinced you not to come after me.”

“Lisa was worried when you left,” Len argued. “She let me rant when I was upset. She helped me and Mick when things got a little rough again and we blamed one another.”

“Of course she did,” Barry shrugged. “She was happy with you and Mick. It was me she didn’t like.” Len started to say something else, but Barry held up a hand. “If she’s staying, I’m leaving. It’s as simple as that.”

Len hesitated but Mick nodded quickly. “I’ll make you a deal,” the larger man said. “If she insults you at all, I’ll book her hotel room personally.”

Barry shrugged and walked into the kitchen. “Whatever.”

Len looked at Mick with annoyance. “Mick! You know Lisa! She’s always pushing buttons, but she doesn’t mean anything by it. It's just her way of being playful.”

Mick sighed and looked at his husband. “It doesn’t matter why she does it, Lenny. Were you listening? No matter how she may have meant it, what matters is how Barry took it. She hurt him. Now, maybe she didn’t mean to, but you can’t deny she didn’t much care for Barry. She was glad he was gone. You know she was.”

Len ran a hand down his face. “She’s my sister!” he groaned.

“And Barry’s not saying she can’t visit. He’s not saying we can’t see her. He’s saying he won’t be around someone who is cruel to him.”

Len sighed and reluctantly nodded. He’d just have to make sure Lisa cut back on the teasing while she was visiting. Barry would see she didn’t mean anything by it and everything would be fine.


	7. Strained Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa and Sara fly in to visit but it's not all fun and games.

Lisa hugged Len and Mick as soon as she walked through the door while Sara moved straight to Barry and pulled him into a tight embrace. Lisa set her suitcase by the sofa, looked at Barry and smirked. “Hey, homewrecker. You haven’t changed much.”

Barry tensed. “Neither have you, Lisa.”

Len looked from his sister, to Barry and back. “Lise, don’t start,” he said quietly.

She looked at him with one raised eyebrow. “So, look at you three. All homey and comfortable again.”

Barry focused on Sara, who was watching them all curiously. “So, how was the flight?” he asked.

“Long,” she replied. “And the cab ride was crazy. I’m not even sure the driver had a license. He drove like he was a getaway driver.”

Lisa snorted. “He also didn’t speak English. We ended up having to load our bags ourselves, as well.”

“That’s because you’re in Finland,” Barry pointed out. “Some people speak English but Finnish is the official language.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Well, if his job involves transporting people from international flights, he should probably speak more than one language.”

“Or maybe,” Barry suggested drolly, “if you’re visiting a foreign country, you should make an attempt to learn their language.”

Sara motioned down to her rolling suitcase and smiled at Barry. “So, where can I drop this?”

“I assume you two are sharing with Tart here,” Lisa said, showing her teeth in a wicked grin. “Where’s the spare?”

Mick shot Barry a worried look, while Len looked conflicted. 

Barry reached out and took Sara’s bag from her. “I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping,” he told her. He headed down the hallway, Sara right behind him. Once inside his room, Sara grabbed his arm to get him to turn back toward her. Barry quickly shook his head. "Can we save the questions? Just for a little bit?"

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured with a reluctant nod. “When I found out she was planning on coming, I tagged along. I guess I was hoping that she’d be a little more accepting, considering how depressed Len and Mick were after you left.”

Barry pulled out his phone and dialed quickly. “Carter? Sorry to bother you on short notice, but my guests have family visiting. I hate asking but you're the only one I know with more than one bedroom. Can I borrow your spare for a few days? Thanks, man. You’re incredible.”

He began opening drawers, grabbing some clothes. He shoved them into his duffel bag before opening the closet and grabbing a shoe box of old letters, two cigar boxes of pictures and mementos and a couple of journals filled with work notes. They went into the bag, as well. He wasn’t leaving anything personal for Lisa to snoop through. 

“There’s nothing to accept,” he said calmly. “Mick and Len are working with my employers on a project. They are staying here because it’s a company owned flat. We are not together. We are not getting back together.”

“Who is Carter?” Sara asked. 

“Sort of an ex,” Barry answered. “The flat only has two bedrooms. I’m going to stay with him while you’re here.”

“But I want to visit with you,” Sara objected. "Eight years, Barry! I haven't seen or heard from you in too long!"

“We’ll see one another,” Barry promised. “In fact, why not go with me to drop my bag off and then I’ll take you out for some food?”

Sara smiled widely. “Sounds good.”

***

As soon as Barry and Sara shut the bedroom door, Len glared at Lisa. “Why do you do that?” he demanded.

“Do what?” she asked innocently. 

“Treat Barry like he’s a joke,” he said angrily. “He’s always been nice to you.’

Lisa rolled her eyes. “I’m just teasing him, Lenny. You know me. It’s just how I am.”

“Well, stop it,” he demanded. “It bothers him!”

Lisa snorted and sat on the arm of the sofa and crossed one leg over the other. “So, you guys are playing house again. How’s that going to work once this project is over?”

“We’re not playing anything,” Mick said sternly. “We’re not together.”

Len was stunned by the absolute delight in Lisa’s eyes, which he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been watching so closely. Were Mick and Barry right? Did she really object to Barry that much?

“Oh?” she asked. “You’re living together, aren’t you?”

“Sharing a flat,” Len corrected. “It belongs to the company so Queen put us up here, rather than pay for a hotel for months.”

Lisa shrugged as if to say she doubted that. “Regardless, I’m sure he’ll be worming his way back into your bed soon enough.”

“You really don’t like him, do you?” Len asked with surprise. 

She tensed slightly, watching Len carefully. “No,” she said finally. “I don’t like him. He’s needy and whiny and he almost broke you two up. You wanted a fling. I get it. But there are better guys out there, guys who weren’t my age. Like Hunter. Or David. Barry is just some little gold digger.”

“Barry’s not like that!” Mick growled.

“Oh?” she argued. “The moment he found out you two were getting married, he knew the gravy train was ending. It took him less than a week to get in good with Oliver Queen. By the time you knew he was gone, he was sleeping in Queen’s condo. He’s got to be damn good in bed to keep getting rich guys to foot his bills, but I’m not about to let some skeezy little tramp ruin the best damn thing that ever happened to you or Lenny!”

“Wow.” Mick, Len and Lisa jumped when Barry spoke. The two men both took a step toward him, but his attention was on Lisa. “I knew you disliked me but I never knew you hated me that much.”

Lisa flipped her hair behind her shoulders and shrugged. “You aren’t important enough for me to hate.”

“Stop it!” Len begged his sister.

Barry shifted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. Sara turned on her heel and stomped back to the bedroom. A moment later she was back, her case in hand. “I came to spend time with you,” she said, looking at Barry. 

“Why do you have a bag packed?” Mick asked worriedly.

“I told you,” Barry replied. “She’s Len’s sister, and I understand that he wants to spend as much time with the harpy… I mean woman, as he can during her, hopefully, brief trip, but I’d rather not waste any of my time breathing in her pollution. Call me when she’s gone and you’ve aired out the place. I’ll be at Carter’s.”

“Excuse me?!” Lisa shrieked, jumping to her feet.

Sara wrapped her arm around Barry’s. “I’ll be at Carter’s, too. We haven’t seen or talked to one another in years and we have a lot of catching up to do. Besides,” she said, one eyebrow raised in challenge, “I’m looking forward to meeting Barry’s... friend.”

“What are you talking about?” Lisa demanded.

Len looked away, jaw clenched tightly. Mick sighed heavily and shrugged. “Barry is involved with a man named Carter.”

“Oh?” Lisa said snidely. “And how much is this one worth?”

“More than you,” Barry said calmly. He maneuvered around Mick and Len quickly, ignoring the hand Mick reached out. The sound of the door closing made Len’s jaw clench and Mick sigh heavily. Lisa was literally shaking with anger.

“And you wonder why I can’t stand that little bastard?” she hissed. “You come all this way and he’s throwing other guys in your faces!”

Mick shook his head, too tired to argue anymore. The oven timer went off so he headed into the kitchen to take the turkey out and baste it. 

* * *

Mick walked into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, running a hand over his shaved head before looking at his husband. Len was sitting against the headboard, his eyes on his wedding band as he twisted it back and forth. It was a tell that he was upset and confused.

“Wanna talk about it?” Mick asked gently.

Len was silent for a couple of seconds before looking at him. “She said that by the time we knew Barry was gone, he was living in Queen’s condo.” Len sighed heavily and leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling. “Mick, we didn’t know that until Barry told us a week ago. How did she?”

Mick felt a cold shiver race down his spine. “You think she knew where Barry was,” he guessed.

Len shrugged. “I can’t help but think it sounds suspicious. Especially after finding out she hates him. I mean, we didn’t even know he had left the states until we saw his name on those articles about organic nanotech in Chemistry Spectrum.”

Mick sighed and reached out to lay his hand over Len’s. “Len, I love you. I love Barry just as much as I love you. You two are the most important people in my life. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to win him back for us. I have to ask, though,” he paused and gave Len’s hand a squeeze, “are you willing to risk Lisa’s anger for him? If you have to choose, who will you choose? Because I get the feeling she’s never going to approve of him.”

“She’s my sister,” Len said in a heavy voice. “I’ve spent my life taking care of her.”

“She’s 30, Len. A grown woman,” Mick pointed out. “Maybe it’s time she took care of herself and you did what makes you happy.”

Len reached out and pulled Mick to him, burying his face in his husband’s chest. When Mick wrapped his arms around him, Len let his walls down enough to cry. He loved Mick and Barry equally. There’s no doubt in his mind that Barry is the other half of his heart. But for 30 years he had devoted himself to Lisa’s well-being. He wasn’t sure he could just turn that off.


	8. Dear Sara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara reveals to Len why she wasn't too worried when Barry disappeared eight years ago.

Sara paid for her coffee before heading over to the little round table near the back. Len looked like he hadn’t slept much. She had been surprised when he called early this morning to ask her to meet him alone. She was even more surprised to see Mick wasn’t with him.

“Morning,” he said tiredly.

Sara sat down and tilted her head as she studied him. “Morning. You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” he grumbled. He hesitated a moment before looking off to the side. “So, how do you like Barry’s boyfriend?”

“Subtle, you aren’t,” she teased. 

Len huffed and gave a half shrug. “Fine. I hate the guy. I want them to break up. I want Barry back. Happy?”

She shook her head at him fondly. “Carter’s nice. We only got to talk for a little while before he left for his date. Barry and I went to sleep before he got back.”

Len’s eyes widened. “What?” he yelped.

“Carter. Date. Not with Barry,” she explained as if talking to a three year old. “Barry told me they didn’t work out. They’re still friends, but Barry set him up with one of his co-workers, someone named Julian.”

Len felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. Barry was single again! He cleared his throat and fiddled with his latte cup. “So, what did you and Barry talk about last night?”

“He caught me up on what’s been happening these last eight years,” she told him. “I can’t believe my nerdy, clumsy friend is into outdoorsy stuff now. Rock climbing, camping, hiking, and sailing? He’s really come out of his shell.”

Len nodded. “Yeah, he went camping the first weekend we were here. He’s a regular at a couple of clubs and has a pretty big circle of friends. He... he’s a lot different than he used to be.”

“Too different?” she asked gently.

Len quickly shook his head. “No!” He paused before sighing heavily and running a hand down his face. “Sara, he’s... self-assured, I guess you could say. Only, it’s not really that. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“He’s become who he was meant to be,” she suggested.

Len nodded. “I guess. He’s more confident. Steadier.” He grimaced as he rotated his coffee cup. “Independent. He doesn’t need us. Not anymore.”

“Nor should he,” she said firmly. “How can you have a real relationship if one of you is always fully dependent on the others?”

“He doesn’t want us either,” Len mumbled sadly. “Won’t even consider being with us anymore.” He sighed and took a gulp of his drink. “I don’t know how to fix this. We still love him, Sara. He’s part of us and we’re not whole without him, but he keeps us at arms length.”

Sara stared at him for a long moment before softly sighing and reaching out to place her hand over one of his. “Let me tell you about the last time I spoke to Barry. It was the day he left, only I didn’t know that was what he was planning at the time. He called me up early that morning, right after you and Mick left for work and asked me to meet him for coffee. We met at Jitters. I could tell something was wrong. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked like someone had run over his puppy. 

We got drinks and sat down at that little corner booth he always liked. Barry’s first words to me that morning were ‘do you think people can choose how they feel?’. I asked what he meant and he explained that he was trying to figure out if people could change how they feel about someone, if it was possible to just decide to love someone or not. I told him that we have very little control over how we felt. Our emotions were stronger than our logical mind. I asked him why he was asking and he told me that sometimes he felt as if love was something people just turned off and on. As if they chose when and how much to love someone else.”

Len was silent for a long moment before sighing softly. “He told us that he felt like a placeholder during the last few months we were all together. He thought we only loved him when it was convenient for us.”

“He was right,” she said calmly. Len looked as if he was about to argue, but she held up a hand. “Whether that was how you saw it or not, that’s how it was, Len. You and Mick were selfish. You wanted everything on your terms. Both of you did. That’s why you got into that fight, that’s why it lasted so long, and that’s why you neglected Barry when you two made up. You forgot that, before you and Mick, Barry had never been in a serious relationship. His whole life was him being shuffled from one home to the next because he wasn’t wanted. Not long term, anyway. He only had two friends that weren’t your friends first.”

Sara paused for a moment, debating internally, before reaching into her pocket and pulling out a battered and creased envelope. She stood up and slid it across the table to him. “This was the last thing I heard from Barry before yesterday. I found it in my mailbox the evening he left. Reading that was why I never told anyone about our conversation that morning. I’ve never shown it to anyone because I always thought it was too personal, too... broken. Read it. Show it to Mick. I’m going to want it back, though. It’s kind of become my talisman over the years.”

Len watched as Sara stood and walked out of the coffee shop. He pulled the envelope open and removed the paper inside. It was easy to see it had been opened and re-folded many times. Taking a moment to center himself, Len unfolded the letter and began reading.

_ Sara,  
By the time you read this, I’ll have left Central. I’m not telling you where I’m going, just that it’s vital I do. I can’t stay here any longer. There’s too much going on and none of it good. The first thing I need to say is, I love you. You’ve been like a sister to me this last year and that is something I can never regret. Out of everyone (and yes, that includes Len and Mick) I’m going to miss you the most. You’ve never wavered in your friendship to me. You’ve always given me the best advice, the best hugs and the best ass-kicking when I needed it. In truth, I wish I could bundle you up and take you with me. You are the one I’m regretting losing the most. _

_ Second, I do love Len and Mick. With my whole heart, I love them. But I’m not happy here. Not anymore. Somewhere along the line, things turned sour and I no longer belong with them. I don’t think anyone is to blame. I think it was just that our time together was up and none of us knew how to end it. So, I’m taking the coward’s way out. They don’t know I’ve left. I can’t tell them face-to-face, because I don’t think I could resist if they tried to talk me out of it. And they would, I think, if only because they don’t want me to be sad. _

_ Last, but not least, I feel I should explain why. Why leave when I don’t want to go, why leave when I still love them, why leave without a real goodbye to everyone? I’m broken inside, Sara. Every breath I take is like a shallow cut on my heart. Even when I’m surrounded by all of you, I feel so alone. I’m always the afterthought. The substitute. It’s like being chosen last for teams and you know, in your heart, that no one really ‘picked’ you, they just got stuck with you.  _

_ I know that, in the beginning, Len and Mick really did want me. They cared for me. They may have even loved me, to an extent. But I forgot that I was a temporary thing. I was supposed to be an adventure. An affair for both of them. I started to think it was forever.  _

_ I should have listened to Lisa when she called me a one night stand that forgot to go home the next morning.  _

_ I feel so lost all the time. I need to figure out who I am and what I want. Because right now, who I am and what I have, isn’t working. I’m miserable. I’m hurt. I’m angry. All the time. I hate feeling like this.  _

_ Mick and Len have each other back, and that’s the one thing I’m glad of. I hope they have a wonderful life and marriage. Drink a toast for me at their wedding. Hopefully, someday, I can find for myself what they have with each other. Hopefully I can find someone who wants me above all others. _

_ I hope that I’ll see you again someday.  _

_ Love, Barry _

Len gently folded the letter and returned it to the envelope. His elbow was braced on the table and he let his head drop into his hand. Part of him wished Sara had shown them this years ago. Maybe they could have fixed things then. Maybe they would still have Barry in their lives. But part of him also knew that if he had known this back before Barry left, they would have talked him into staying. He would have stayed, too. But he would have stayed out of guilt or obligation. 

He would have been unhappy. He would have continued to feel unloved and second-best. He wouldn’t be the man he was now. And Len could admit that he loved the man Barry had become. He was more confident. More outspoken. More settled. Not once had he fidgeted and stammered awkwardly when asked what he wanted out of life. He had definite ideas of what he needed, how to achieve it and he let nothing stand in his way.

Len stood up and slipped the envelope into his pocket. Mick needed to read this, then they needed to talk. 

* * *

Len watched as Mick carefully folded the letter and set it aside. A couple of tears spilled down his cheeks and he swiped at them with the back of his hand. Mick heaved a heavy sigh before looking up. “Explains a lot,” he said huskily, “like why he’s so insistent that he doesn’t get involved with married guys. Doesn’t want to risk feeling left out, again.”

Len nodded solemnly. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t think we’ll ever get him back,” he whispered. “Those words... the things he wrote... we lost him for good, didn’t we?”

Mick shrugged, looking bleak. “I don’t know. I know I want to talk to him about this. I think we should, if only to finally get some closure.”

Len flinched but nodded. “And if he says there’s no hope?”

Mick stood and walked over, wrapping his arms around Len’s waist securely. “Then we let him go. We let him be happy.”

Len bit his lip to keep from sobbing as he rested his head on Mick’s shoulder. It would kill him to do it. But if that was the only way for the man he loved just as much as he loved Mick to be happy, he would say goodbye to Barry for good.


	9. Night on the Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry, HR, Sara, Len, Mick and Lisa grab some drinks at the bar.

Barry grimaced as he spotted Len, Mick and Lisa entering Halo. HR must have called them because they headed straight for the large table in the back. He reluctantly wove his way through the crowd, making his way back to the group. He got there just as Sara was explaining his absence.

“...in the bathroom. Oh wait, here he is. Look who’s here, Barry,” she said, shooting him a sympathetic look.

Barry nodded to the three as he took his seat back between Sara and HR. “Hey.”

Lisa gave HR her sly smirk. “You must be the boyfriend,” she guessed.

HR lifted one eyebrow. “Sweetheart, I am no one’s boyfriend. Lover, drunken pick-up, beneficial friend? I’ve been those on occasion, but I am not the commitment type.”

“Lise, we’re here to have a good time,” Len mumbled tensely. “Try to get along, okay?”

Lisa shot her brother an affronted look. “I’m just getting to know everyone.”

Barry snorted as he turned to look at the waitress approaching. “Hey, Gina. A round of beers for the table.” The tall redhead nodded before leaning down and whispering in Barry’s ear. Barry frowned and looked out over the dance floor. “I’ve got this,” he said softly.

“Thanks,” she whispered.

“Problem?” HR asked, looking toward the dance floor.

“Mitch,” Barry said in a low voice, rising from his seat and disappearing into the throng of people. 

Len and Mick exchanged jealous looks. “Who’s Mitch?”

HR pulled out his phone and began pressing buttons. “Our friend, Heather’s, ex. A real piece of work, that one. Last time he was in town, he slapped her around and busted out two of her teeth.” He put the phone to his ear and held up a finger. “Hey, Dig. How fast can you and John be at Halo? Mitch Hanney is back and Barry’s got a short fuse tonight.”

Mick and Len stood up and looked over the crowded dance floor but couldn’t see Barry anywhere. 

“Shit! Better hurry!” HR said quickly. “He’s already moving in.” HR shoved his phone into Sara’s hands. “Dammit, I swear he loves this shit!” he grumbled as he began pushing past dancers. 

Len and Mick hurried to follow, almost getting swept away in the crowd once but managing to stick with HR through the crowd. They were nearing the bathrooms when they finally spotted Barry. Len’s jaw dropped and Mick almost tripped as they both took in the scene. A guy with blood pouring from his nose was being pressed up against the wall by Barry. The guy looked like a gym rat, with the kind of muscles you knew were for show, not from actual labor. He was at least an inch off the floor, held in place by Barry’s left forearm pressed tight to his neck and his right hand gripping the guy’s belt. 

Behind Barry was a pretty little blonde, her make-up streaked from her tears. She was cradling her left arm to her chest, and finger-shaped bruises were already forming below her elbow. Two guys in dirty jeans and work shirts were patting her back as they kept an eye on the crowd for more trouble. One of them was warily eyeing Len and Mick, in fact.

“Asshole!” Mitch wheezed as blood dripped off his chin. “I’ll have you arrested!”

Barry snorted and leaned in closer. “You took a swing at me first. Now, I told you last time that if I caught you in here again, I was going to take it personally. Heather is off limits, Hanney. Now, you put your hands on her, again. Hurt her, again. We can’t just let you walk away from that. People might think we don’t take care of our own,” he explained in a deadly calm tone.

Len swallowed as the guy’s eyes got impossibly wide. He felt a bolt of lust rocket through him as he watched Barry go completely badass as he lowered the stranger. Mitch’s feet had barely touched the floor again before Barry shifted sideways, driving his fist into the man’s stomach. Mitch choked for air, automatically swinging a beefy hand toward Barry’s face. Barry leaned out of reach, bringing up a foot and kicking the guy’s knee hard enough for the crowd to hear something crack. Mitch screamed in pain, dropping to the floor. 

Beside him Mick let out a needy whimper. “Holy shit,” his husband whispered. “Should that be this hot?” Len couldn’t look away from Barry, but he knew exactly what Mick meant. Seeing Barry so forceful was a definite turn on, even more so than the tattoos. 

Len started to move forward, but was immediately blocked by three guys. “Nothing to see here,” one of them growled. 

“That’s our friend,” Mick growled back.

“Then you definitely aren’t welcome here,” one of the other guys told them.

Sara stepped up beside Mick. “We’re Barry’s friends, not the other guy’s.”

The first guy snorted. “Really?” he asked skeptically. 

HR popped into place beside Len and smiled widely. “Hey, guys. This is Sara, Lisa, Len and Mick. Everyone this is Otis, Xander and Jason.”

Jason was still eyeing Len carefully. “Barr’s friends with these guys?”

HR nodded. “Work friends,” he explained. “Dig’s on the way. Should be here any minute.”

Otis nodded and turned toward Barry, who was speaking quietly to the blonde, Heather. She was sniffling, her face pressed to Barry’s chest. “Heather? Dig’s coming. Want to talk upstairs?”

The waitress nodded, not moving away from Barry. Barry looked over at the group, briefly meeting Len and Mick’s eyes before settling on HR. “I’ll take her home after.” He pulled his wallet from his pocket and tossed it to Sara. “Settle up for me?”

Sara nodded, pushing the wallet into her back pocket. Len’s hand gripped Mick’s tightly as Barry led Heather toward a door with a ‘Private’ sign on it. Slowly the crowd began to disperse. The two men in work clothes stood over a groaning Mitch, making sure he didn’t try to leave.

HR led them back to their table and sat down. He took his phone back from Sara and relaxed. “So, who wants another beer?” he grinned. 

Lisa sneered as she watched a couple of cops move through the club toward Mitch. “Does that happen often?”

“Fights?” HR shrugged. “It’s a bar.”

“I mean Barry attacking someone,” she smirked. 

HR’s expression turned a bit colder as he stared at Lisa. “You mean Barry defending a young woman from her abuser? From the guy who once offered to let his buddies rape her to pay off a gambling debt?” HR shook his head as he looked around the table. “Things go a bit different here than in other places. We’re pretty pacifist around here but we protect our own.”

“It’s still assault,” Lisa argued.

HR leaned forward, bracing his forearms on the table. “Miss Snart, I know a lot about you. I’m willing to play nice, but only to an extent. So, reel in the venom. Hate Barry all you want, but understand that there is no one here who will willingly listen to you spew it.”

Lisa’s expression turned absolutely furious. “You don’t know a thing about me!”

HR snorted. “I know enough to make a few educated guesses. Like how you hate him because you fear him.”

“Fear Barry Allen?” she scoffed. “Why would I have anything to fear from him?”

HR tilted his head as he looked at her. He ignored the pained expression on Len’s face and the curiosity on Mick’s. “Because he’s a threat to your position. You grew up with Mick in your life. You’re fine sharing your brother’s attention with him because he’s been in your life since you were a baby. He’s part of your family. But Barry? He took some of their attention away from you. You weren’t the most important person in their lives anymore. You have a bit of an Electra Complex.”

“I am not some sick pervert!” Lisa hissed.

HR shrugged. “Never said you were. You’re mostly narcissistic and petty.”

Lisa turned to Len, outraged. “Are you going to let him talk to me like that?”

HR looked at Len and shrugged again. “I could be wrong. After all, I’ve only been a psychoanalyst for twelve years.”

A tall dark-skinned man walked over to the table and sat down in Barry’s previous seat. “Hey, HR. Thanks for the call,” he said in a British accent.

“John,” HR greeted. “Dig with Heather?”

The newcomer nodded. “Hanney’s on the way to the hospital. Pretty sure his knee is just dislocated. Nose is definitely broken. Barr went easy on him.”

HR nodded, picking up his drink and finishing it off. “Wouldn’t want him getting out on a technicality.”

John looked around the table curiously. “You must be Sara,” he said, focusing on her.

Sara lifted her eyebrows. “How do you know that?”

John grinned. “Barry said you were a spunky blonde. I’m John Jones, Senior Constable.” He looked at Mick and Len. “Must be the exes.” He looked at Lisa last. “Hmm. Stranger.”

“Lisa Snart,” HR said calmly.

Len and Mick didn’t fail to see how John’s eyes narrowed. He gave a knowing 'ah' before turning back to HR. “Barr’s going to run by the station and give an account. So are Otis and Xander, since they were there for the whole thing. Think you can make time for Heather tomorrow afternoon? Got a feeling she’s going to need the outlet.”

HR nodded immediately. “Of course. Tell her to stop by after 1 and we can talk as long as she wants.”

John nodded and stood up. “Thanks. Still on for Rovaniemi Friday?”

“You know it,” HR grinned. “Barry’s already called ahead and had Vinnie get everything packed and ready. All we should have to do is roll into the park and grab the bags.” 

John grinned and nodded before walking away.

“What is a roving hemi?” asked Mick.

“Rovaniemi,” HR corrected. “It’s the capital of Lapland, a bit north of here. We’re heading out to the Oulanka National Park for some canoeing and camping. We went two years ago and I’ve been dying to go back. We’re renting a small campsite for four days.”

“I have never understood the appeal of sleeping outdoors when you have a perfectly good bed at home,” Lisa shuddered.

“How many are going?” asked Sara.

“Me, Barr, John, Vinnie, his wife Angel, and probably Angel’s brother Dig.”

“Got room for one more?” she asked.

HR studied her for a moment. “There are no showers, no restrooms and no coffee shops,” he warned. “And we won’t break camp until our trip ends or someone dies.”

Sara grinned and gave him a wink. “Good.”

“Sounds like fun,” Mick said, leaning forward and bracing his forearms on the table. “Lenny and I haven’t been camping in years.”

“Probably not since we were living in Coast City,” Len mused.

“I think it sounds horrible,” Lisa snarked. “I wouldn’t be caught dead sleeping on the ground.”

“You don’t have to go,” Mick pointed out. “You can stay here and get in some sightseeing. Ray would be delighted to keep you company.”

Sara shrugged. “I’m not passing up the chance to see Barry in the great outdoors.”

Lisa gave Len a smug look but he just sipped his beer and ignored her. “Lenny, you can show me all your favorite places while the others are gone.”

Len swallowed the instinctive urge to go along with Lisa’s plans. He kept hearing Mick’s question in his head. Was he willing to put Barry first, even ahead of his sister? It had taken him most of the day to figure that out. Yes. Yes, he was. It wasn’t just him he was thinking of, either. He was thinking of Mick, too. 

Len and Mick were both 44. Who knew how many years either of them had. Twenty? Thirty? Ten? He wasn’t going to lose any more time or happiness for either of them. Barry was their heart and they were going to do whatever it took to win him back.

“I’ll be joining the camping trip, Lise,” he said calmly. “I’ve never been canoeing, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to try.”

“I bet that’s not all you’re interested in,” she said coldly.

Len sighed and looked at his sister. “No, it isn’t,” he admitted. “You might as well get used to it, sis. Mick and I want Barry back. We’re going to do our best to make that happen. We love him. We’re not truly happy without him. So, you need to figure out a way to be okay with this, because you aren’t going to change my mind.”

Lisa’s eyes narrowed but she didn’t say anything. Len knew that look, though. She wasn’t going to let this drop. She just wasn’t willing to start a fight in public, surrounded by strangers. Mick’s hand found his under the table and their fingers linked together. Sara gave him a small smile and wink. Even HR looked like he approved. Len allowed himself to relax. Now that he had made the decision, he was committed to it.


	10. Under the stars and down the river

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys camp out.

The trip to Rovaniemi was fairly uneventful. Len and Mick ended up in the same car as John, Sara and Barry. Sara was quick to claim shotgun, then spent most of the drive asking John about the area they were going to. Barry was between Mick and Len, eyes closed as he dozed. They hadn’t seen much of Barry since the bar fight, because he was spending a lot of his time with the young waitress he had protected. 

HR had explained that Barry met Heather a little over five years ago when he stumbled across her in a park. She had been sitting on a bench, crying. Barry took one look at her bruised face and too-skinny frame and pretty much kidnapped her. He brought her home with him, plied her with food and called Dig and Oliver to help him collect her belongings from Hanney’s apartment. Heather stayed with Barry for a little over five months before she was confident enough to move into her own place. Barry even helped her get the waitress job and encouraged her to go back to school. On the day they met, Barry had pretty much adopted the young woman as his sister.

Len and Mick couldn’t help but love Barry just a little bit more for his protectiveness. They knew he was slightly uncomfortable with their presence on the trip, but he didn’t really raise any objections. It made them hopeful he was growing more accepting of having them in his life. 

When they got to the main campground it was just a little past 10am. Barry woke up grumpy, but they could all see it was just him being exhausted, not annoyed. Everyone grabbed the backpacks Vinnie, a small man in his early fifties, had stacked in the bed of a truck. Len paid close attention to Barry and Vinnie standing a few feet away and talking in hushed tones. Barry looked exasperated while the older man seemed sympathetic. Within thirty minutes they were lining up to follow the trail to their camping spot. Len and Mick walked on either side of Barry, following John, Dig and HR, with Vinnie, Angel, and Sara in the rear. Barry was silent for several minutes before carefully clearing his throat. “So, apparently, HR forgot to let Vinnie know we had three extra people. He packed the normal amount of equipment we would have needed.”

“What’s that mean?” Mick asked worriedly. “Are we missing some necessary items?”

Barry sighed and shook his head. “No. We’ve got more than enough food and water. We’ve got all the first aid, batteries and fuel we’ll need. Our canoes are already there, rentals that the park supplies. What we don’t have are extra tents.”

“So we’re sleeping under the stars?” Len asked. “We’ve done that before.”

“Not in Rovaniemi,” Barry pointed out. “The nights can get pretty cold. Vinnie and Angel are putting Sara with them. HR will stay with John and Dig. So, you guys are going to have to share my tent.”

Len’s pulse spiked but he managed to keep his tone calm. “Okay. We’ve got our own sleeping bags. Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“If you’re worried about our history,” Mick began softly.

“I’m not,” Barry interrupted. “I just wanted to let you know ahead of time why there’s only three tents. If I was worried, I’d ask HR to swap with me.”

“So, I’ve never been canoeing before,” Len said, changing the subject. “Any tips?”

“Don’t drown?” Barry joked. Len and Mick both shot him glares, but there was no real heat in their eyes. Barry chuckled. “It’s not hard once you get the rhythm down. Don’t worry. We won’t hang you out to dry. I think John’s planning on pairing up with Sara, and Vinnie and Angel always pair up. One of you will be with me and HR will take the other. Dig just wants to get in some fishing.”

“There’s four canoes but only three tents?” Mick asked.

“We always rent an extra canoe,” Barry explained, “in case something happens to one. There are a few rapids that can do some damage if we’re not careful. Vinnie and John were out here a few years ago with only one canoe and they crashed into some tree roots. Had to walk two miles to the next camp with John sporting a broken wrist and Vinnie fighting a concussion. We like our adventures, but we always make sure we have our bases covered.”

“So, rock climbing, canoeing, camping,” Len listed off. “What else do you guys do whenever you get the time?”

Barry shrugged, despite the heavy pack. “HR loves boxing, so we’ve gone to a few matches. Oliver got me into self-defense classes when I first moved here, which is how I met Dig. Angel is a pilot, so we’ve gone parachuting. Not one of my favorites though. The free fall is fun, but the landing is a bitch. I’m not the most graceful person, you know. Xander and Otis are mountaineers, which is how we got into rock climbing. Personally, I love horseback riding. In the summer we head out to the countryside and hire some horses from one of the stables.”

“I’ve never even seen a live horse,” Mick told him. 

“It’s the best,” Barry said, smiling wistfully. “There’s nothing like the feeling of racing across the fields on horseback, the wind rushing by you. I go as often as I can, even if no one else can go with me.”

Len glanced at Barry hesitantly. “Maybe you can take me and Mick sometime. Always wanted to learn. Just never really took the time to do so.”

“Why not?” Barry asked, looking curious.

Len sighed and ran a hand over his head. “When I was young, I had Lisa to raise, while going to school. Me and Mick… well, being gay wasn't exactly acceptable back then, so we had to be careful which meant not being out together in public too much. I had a lot going on. By the time things were calmer, I was focused on work and Mick. Then we met you. I just… took time for granted. I took a lot of things for granted.”

Barry looked at Len for a long moment. Len kind of expected him to object to the reminder of their past, but Barry didn’t. After a moment he looked forward again. They walked along in silence for several minutes. They crested a small hill and saw the clearing they were camping in. Barry stopped walking and Mick and Len stopped with him. The rest of the group walked on by, glancing at them curiously.

Barry seemed to be staring off into the distance. Just as the couple began to get worried, Barry looked at Len. “If you’re serious, I can call and reserve us some horses for next weekend. There’s one place that has some good mounts for beginners. It’s where I learned.”

Len’s pulse sped up again. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Mick said, nodding. “We’d love it, Doll.”

Barry barely flinched at the pet name. He gave a single nod and hurried to catch up with the group. Mick and Len looked at each other and grinned, feeling hopeful.

* * *

Setting up the tents, getting their equipment unpacked, and put away and then gathering enough wood for their campfire kept them busy for a couple of hours. When they were done Vinnie and John dragged out the canoes from the lean-to they were stored in and began checking the hulls for cracks or damage. Angel and Dig began showing Sara how to check one of the other canoes. HR took a pole and settled on a large rock to try and land some fresh fish for supper.

Mick and Len watched Barry fill a small pack with bottled water and granola bars before pulling on a jacket. “Going somewhere?” Len asked.

“If I remember correctly, there’s a nice spot for stargazing up ahead. I’ll be back in a few hours.” Barry answered. 

“It’s getting dark,” Mick pointed out. “Sure you’ll be okay?”

Barry chuckled softly. “Can’t see the stars unless it’s dark,” he pointed out. “I’ll be fine. I’m not going far.”

“We could come with you,” Len suggested.

Barry quickly shook his head. “No. I just want a little quiet time. Shake off the stress from the week so I can relax.” 

Both men gave reluctant nods as they watched him follow the narrow trail through the trees. 

“He’ll be fine,” HR said to them from his perch. “He always starts a trip off this way. Of course, he’s more stressed than usual, so he might stay out later.”

“Because of us?” Mick asked, even though he was fairly certain he knew the answer already.

HR shrugged. “You. Work. Heather. Carter.”

“Carter,” Len growled under his breath.

HR must have heard him, though. “He was really hoping Carter would be the one. Barr’s lonely. He’s tired of the dating scene. He wants someone to come home to at night. Someone to come home to him. He’s at a place in his life where he’s ready to settle down and make a commitment again. Unfortunately, he still hasn’t found that someone.” HR sighed and reeled in his fishing line before casting out again. “Rather, he doesn’t realize he has.”

Len’s blood froze. Barry had met someone? He looked at Mick with worry, but Mick looked surprisingly hopeful.

“You mean us, right?” Mick asked.

Len sucked in a shaky breath. HR thought they were who Barry could be happy with?

HR nodded. “You both love him. He loves both of you. He’s just too scared to trust you again. He fears history repeating itself.”

“It wouldn’t,” Mick said confidently. “Before, we were idiots. We were smug. Thought we had everything under control. We know better, now. We’re not the selfish jerks we were back then. We would do anything to make him happy.”

HR studied them for a long moment before nodding. “Good. Grab some poles. We’re having fish for dinner, if I have anything to say about it.”

* * *

When midnight came and went, but Barry still hadn’t returned, Len couldn’t help but go look for him. He followed the dark trail up over a small hill and almost tripped over Barry, who was lying on his back, hands tucked under his head as he stared up at the night sky.

“Never try to sneak up on anyone,” he teased. “It’s like listening to an elephant stomping around.”

Len rolled his eyes before dropping down beside Barry. “Pretty cold out,” he said. “Mick and I were getting worried.”

“Sorry,” Barry replied, sounding anything but. “I just love this,” he said, pulling one hand from under his head and waving toward the star-filled sky. “It’s always so peaceful.”

Len leaned back on his elbows and looked up. He was immediately amazed. He couldn’t ever remember seeing so many stars in the sky. It was like an unending sheet of black velvet covered in millions of tiny diamonds. He felt completely gobsmacked by how beautiful it was.

“I can’t remember the last time I saw so many stars,” Len whispered. “Then again, I can’t really remember the last time I took the time to look.”

Barry sighed softly, sounding tired. “That’s kind of how I met HR, actually. I had just gotten my degree and was settling into my lab. I was still angry and depressed over everything that had happened with you and Mick. I missed my old friends but didn’t have the confidence to try and contact anyone. I’d been trying to find an apartment, but to be honest, everything I could afford was crap. Ollie decided to help me out by buying the complex I live in and giving me a flat. I didn’t react well, to be honest. Here I was, trying to finally stand on my own two feet, and Ollie was buying the floorboards beneath them.”

He chuckled softly. “I was a little peeved, to put it mildly. I yelled about him trying to run my life and he yelled about me making bad decisions. I love the man like a brother, but we can have some pretty harsh fights. Anyway, I decided the best course of action was to get shitfaced before I had to apologize for being a jerk. Halfway through my fifth vodka this skinny, loud guy with glasses and a weird hair sat down beside me and said ‘If you don’t slow down, your liver is going to jump out of your throat and beat you to death with one of your kidneys’.”

Barry snickered and turned his head to look at Len. “I was loose-lipped by then so I looked at him with all the dignity I had, which wasn’t much, and said ‘Doubtful. My kidneys like me. It’s my heart that has the grudge’. Then I ordered another drink. I woke up the next morning with a massive hangover, stretched out on a boulder, with HR sitting beside me tossing pieces of bread into a little pond for the fish. He handed me two aspirin, poured me a cup of coffee from his thermos, then spent the next two hours guiding me through an invasive, intense therapy session. Being out in the countryside, feeding fish and spilling my guts, both emotionally and physically, let me start healing. We’ve been best friends ever since.”

“Barry…” Len whispered.

Barry looked back up at the sky calmly. “Don’t. What happened was for the best. I’ve thought about it a lot over the years. If I had stayed, I would have found a way to be content. It’s my nature to try and make things work. But I don’t think any of us would have really been happy. You said all three of us engaged was the closest you could have. Without me there, you actually could get married. You’re husbands, like you always should have been.” Barry looked back at him and smiled softly. “I really am happy for you both, Len.”

Len stared at him for a long moment, struggling to find the words to convince Barry that they were only partially happy, that they needed him to fill in the empty space in their lives. Before he could, Barry shifted and got to his feet. He gathered his pack and held out a hand to help Len to his feet. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep before Vinnie wakes us up with his bullhorn at sunrise.”

“I hope that’s not an innuendo,” Len grumbled, brushing off his pants.

Barry snorted and led the way back down the trail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never been to Rovaniemi, but I've seen it in documentaries and photos and I'm fairly certain it's perfection. If I could live anywhere, that would be where I make my home.


	11. Fairy Knoll

Mick eyed the narrow canoe warily. “Maybe I should try my hand at fishing again,” he grumbled.

Barry snorted with amusement. “Climb in, you big baby. Look, even Sara’s doing fine.”

Mick glanced over to where John was showing Sara how to use the oar to turn the canoe away from the rocks. Len was with HR, concentrating hard on the rapid-fire instructions the man was issuing. Vinnie and Angel were already several yards away, heading down the river. “I’ll give you the brownies I snuck into my pack if you call this thing off,” he offered.

Barry eyed him carefully. “Homemade brownies? The ones you used to make?”

Mick nodded quickly. “Six of them.”

Barry hesitated a moment before shaking his head. “Get in the canoe.”

Mick pouted but gingerly set one foot in the canoe. It immediately started to shift and he practically fell in, gripping the sides tightly. Barry barely managed to stifle a snort as he reached out to help Mick settle into the front. He set their packs in the middle and nimbly climbed into the back.

“Thought you were supposed to be clumsy,” Mick grumbled.

Barry chuckled as he handed forward an oar. “Practice makes perfect, Mick. Now comes the hard part.”

Mick’s eyes widened with alarm. “How was that not the hard part?!”

“We haven’t reached the rapids, yet.”

Mick twisted around to stare at Barry in horror. “HR said this was a calm river!”

Barry stared at him solemnly for a couple of seconds before snickering. Soon he was laughing loudly. “Sorry! Sorry! I couldn’t resist! I promise, no rapids.”

Mick glared at him before turning back around. “I’m eating every one of those brownies. In front of you.”

Barry was still chuckling as he taught Mick how to paddle evenly. 

* * *

Len was starting to get worried. It had been almost an hour since they separated from Barry and Mick. They had been canoeing for about thirty minutes when they came to a fork in the river. Vinnie and Angel had steered left and John and HR had followed. Len had glanced back in time to see Barry and Mick heading down the right side. When he pointed it out to HR, he had pulled a small radio from the pack and asked Barry if everything was okay. Barry had answered, saying that he wanted to make a stop at something called a fairy knoll. HR had grinned excitedly and said to stay safe. Since then, they hadn’t heard anything.

“You really should learn to relax,” HR said calmly as he tied the oars to the canoe and handed Len one of the packs. 

“I’m relaxed,” Len argued, following him to the small clearing where the others were already sitting and eating.

“You look like a coiled spring,” Sara said around a mouthful of peanut butter. She paused and looked back toward the river. “Where’s Mick and Barry?”

HR plopped down and opened a bottle of water. “Fairy knoll,” he answered.

Everyone but Sara and Len smirked. Sara lifted one eyebrow curiously. “Fairy knoll?”

Angel giggled and leaned against Vinnie’s arm. “It’s a small hill about a quarter mile down the other river. There’s a colony of rabbits that live there and the whole thing is covered in cloudberry plants. Lots of local artists have painted it because it’s so beautiful, like a fairy’s home. If Barry went there, he’s planning on cooking tonight.”

“Cooking what?” Sara asked.

“You’ll see,” John answered with a grin.

* * *

Mick dropped a handful of the orangish-yellow berries into the collapsible bucket Barry had handed him and looked around. Every so often he could swear he caught Barry glancing at him. Going off by themselves like this, was Barry looking for some one-on-one time with him? After all, he and Len had spent a little time alone last night.

“So, this place is very pretty,” he said, testing the waters.

Barry nodded, glancing at him with a hint of worry. “On the other side of the hill is a colony of rabbits. Please, be careful where you step so you don’t twist your ankle in a hole. We don’t want to disturb the colony, either. As soon as we have enough berries we can leave.”

That didn’t sound like Barry was angling for anything romantic. Mick grabbed a few more berries while trying to come up with something to say. Talking had never been one of his strong points. He had gotten better over the last eight years, had to in order for him and Len to work things out, but it was still something he struggled with.

“Doll… Barry,” he began hesitantly. Barry quickly looked up at him, brow furrowed at the use of his name. Mick took a deep breath. “I’ve never been one to beg. Always made my own way and fuck anyone who tried to stop me. When me and Lenny got together, AIDS was gaining notoriety. We had a lot of hate thrown at us. We didn’t care. We knew we loved one another and nobody was taking that from us just cause they were bigoted assholes. Weren’t perfect. You know as well as anyone that me and Lenny are stubborn bastards. When we met you...”

Mick paused and set down the bucket, shoving his hands into his pockets nervously. “Yeah, it was supposed to be a temporary thing. Spice up the bedroom, you know? The longer we knew you, the more time we spent together, the more we started to care about you.”

“Mick...”

“Please,” he said softly. “Let me finish.”

Barry hesitantly nodded and turned to face him fully.

Mick breathed in deep to center himself. “When we moved you in with us, we had already decided we wanted you around for as long as you would stay. Not just some side piece, but part of us. Then, you and Lenny went to that concert. I couldn’t, cause I had to be in Opal City for some meetings. When I got back you and Lenny were so happy. You’d loved the concert and spent two days in a hotel together and you just looked so… so...”

“Like a couple,” Barry whispered, understanding dawning in his eyes.

Mick nodded. “I started wondering if I was even a part of things anymore. If maybe you and Lenny were happier together, without me. Then Lisa had that accident and Lenny went to stay with her for a week. When he got back, he was tired and cranky and he walked in to see you and me curled up together on the couch. Lenny told me that’s when he started to feel like maybe you and I were pulling away from him. Neither of us talked about it back then, but it kept festering and growing until he and I got into a fight. You were at class and we were barely talking when suddenly he said he was thinking of moving out. I immediately thought he meant you and him both. We fought and threw accusations and spent the next few weeks pissed off. 

It was Sara who finally sat us down and made us talk. We were both so relieved that neither of us was leaving that we tried to make up for lost time. That was the longest we’d ever fought and the most painful. We got so caught up in fixing things, we forgot you had no idea what we were fighting about. That you didn’t know we love you.”

Mick paused and looked at him sadly. “Did we ever even tell you? In almost a year together, did we ever tell you we love you?”

Barry slowly shook his head, eyes bright with unshed tears.

Mick exhaled sadly. “I can remember every single time you said it,” he admitted. “After you left, I tried so hard to think of a single time I said it back. Kept coming up blank.”

Mick pulled a hand out of his pocket and dragged it down his face. “The day we realized that you really had left us, that you weren’t coming back, it was like everything stopped. I couldn’t sleep. Didn’t have an appetite. It hurt to breathe. Lenny and I slept on the couches when we slept at all. Our bed had too many memories. The spare room had your scent. 

After about a month we got rid of everything. Replaced all the furniture, dishes, even the stove cause it had that spot where you melted a cup and the plastic stained the top. Tried to wipe out everything that reminded us you had lived there. We were so angry that you would leave us.

About two months later we started to fight again. Blamed each other from driving you away. Sara suggested therapy. We were desperate enough to go. Took a while, but we got back on track.”

Mick paused and reached into his pocket again, pulling out a little velvet bag. He opened it and tipped the contents into his hand. The tri-colored band shone brightly in the light. “One of us is always carrying this. It was… it is yours. Silver for Lenny, platinum for me and gold for you. Just like ours. There ain’t been a day since you left that we ain’t thought about you. Missed you. I… I just want you to think about it, Barry. Not about me and Lenny being married. Think about what we meant to one another. Think about how good we were together. Then think about how much better it could be now. We’re better men than we were before. Not perfect, but better. We know how it feels without you. We’d never risk that again, if you would give us a second chance.”

* * *

Barry sighed softly as Sara flopped down on her back beside him. Her heavy breathing filled the air for a full minute before she turned unamused eyes on him. 

“Really?” she grumbled. “A fucking mountain? You couldn’t find some cushy little meadow to mope in?”

Barry chuckled and reached down to brush sweaty hair from her forehead. “We’re barely ten metres above the campground.”

Sara gave him a weak glare. “I had to climb a fucking mountain.”

Barry shifted and helped her sit up, their sides pressed together. “So, why aren’t you down there fighting HR for the last bit of my cloudberry cobbler?”

She groaned and rubbed her stomach. “Three helpings, Barr. I don’t even like sweets that much, but I ate three helpings. I climbed a goddamn mountain with a belly full of sugar because you’re a dick.”

Barry chuckled and took a sip of his water. “Glad you liked it.”

Sara sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. “So, wanna talk about why you’re up here?”

“Not really,” he admitted. “I think this is something I have to work through myself.”

Sara was quiet for a long moment before lifting her head to look at him. “Barr...”

He quickly shushed her. “Sara, I love you but you can’t help with this.”

“They love you,” she said softly.

“And I love them,” he admitted just as softly. He turned his head to meet her eyes. “Did I ever tell you about the first time they told me they love me?”

Sara smiled hopefully. “No. Tell me.”

Barry exhaled softly. “It was two weeks ago.” Sara’s jaw dropped in disbelief. Barry gave a small nod. “They finally explained their big fight. Seems both of them thought the other wanted me more then they did each other and they fought about it. I made them doubt their relationship, Sara.”

“Barry, no...”

He sighed and looked back out over the river. “Ironically, I never even knew how they felt. I knew they cared. I knew they liked me a lot. I hoped they loved me, but not once did they ever say it. I used to say it every time I left for school or work, and I did my best not to be bothered when they never said it back. Last week Mick told me he loved me and it hurt.”

Barry took another sip of his water. “Eight years too late,” he whispered. “They love me and I love them, but I don’t trust them. I’m not willing to take that risk again. So where does that leave us?”

“I honestly believe they would do anything to make you happy,” she said gently. 

Barry continued to stare at the river. “How can they make me happy when being with them goes against every promise I made myself?”

Sara wrapped an arm around Barry’s waist and laid her head on his shoulder again. “You’ll figure it out,” she promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm trying to find a happy ending, but this story is fighting me so hard!


	12. I Can Be Your Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry makes the hardest decision of his life and Len talks to Lisa finally.

It was pretty late when Barry slipped back into the tent. The first night Len and Mick had slept in separate sleeping bags. Tonight they had zipped them together to form one big one. Barry smiled slightly at the way they were curled around one another. He stripped down to his thermals and slid into his own bag as silently as possible before turning off the small lantern one of them had left on for him.

“Was startin’ to get worried,” Mick whispered in the darkness.

Barry stiffened slightly before clearing his throat. “Sorry. Had a lot to think about.”

“Doll...”

“I can be your friend,” Barry said quietly. “I can do that. I don’t think I can be more than that, Mick. I… I’m different now. I want different things.”

“Like what?” asked Len softly. Barry could hear them shifting and moving. The slide of a zipper being undone was loud in the small tent. “What do you want that you think we can’t give you?”

Barry rolled onto his back, grateful the light was out so they couldn’t see the anguish in his eyes. “Marriage. Kids. A commitment.”

“Scarlet...”

“Please,” Barry whispered. “Just… hear me out. I know, okay? I know that marriage is no guarantee. People, even people with kids, get divorced all the time. But it’s something I need. I need that commitment. I need the security of knowing I can’t be abandoned easily. That they can’t just walk away one morning and never come back, like we were never together.”

“Like you left us,” Len said stiffly. 

“You left me long before I left you,” Barry said tiredly. “Whether you meant to or not, you left me. I wasn’t important enough for you to pay attention to.” He heard them moving again, inching closer. “Look, I understand. I really do,” he whispered sadly. “Mick explained it more. I even agree that you did what you needed to do. What was right for you both. But that relationship isn’t right for me anymore. I could never trust that I wouldn’t be the odd man out again. Words only go so far and neither of you can give me the type of commitment I need and want.”

“There has to be a way,” Mick argued desperately. “God, Doll, please don’t give up on this. We love you. Fuck, we need you.”

“And when the project is done in two months?” Barry pointed out. “When you’ll be back in the states and I’ll be here? We have separate lives, Mick. I’ve worked too hard to give up my life here. I don’t want to. I love it here. It’s home. You two have a life there that I know you love. It’s where your family and friends are. Let’s be realistic. This would never work, long term, and I’m not willing to settle for something temporary.”

Barry sighed softly. “Please,” he whispered. “I can only be your friend.”

All three men were silent for several minutes. Barry did his best to stifle his shivers. It wasn’t the chill in the mountain air, but the chill in his heart that left him cold. A large hand (Mick’s, maybe?) hesitantly covered his. 

“Okay,” Mick whispered.

Barry gave a nod, even though they couldn’t really see him. He eased his hand out from under Mick’s and resolutely laid back down, pulling his sleeping bag over him. In the dark he heard Mick and Len shuffle around, then the pull of a zipper. He thought he heard a muffled whimper. He couldn’t swear it didn’t come from him.

* * *

Surprisingly, things got easier. When they rose the next morning, Len and Mick greeted him with carefully hopeful smiles. Barry returned one of his own before leading the way to the campfire for some coffee. They went swimming and did a bit of fishing before heading out on the canoes, again. This time Len was with Barry. They took a faster path this time, braving some of the tamer rapids. By the time they landed, they were both drenched but laughing. Mick wasn’t quite as cheerful, having gotten a bit motion sick. Sara turned out to be pretty good at cooking over a fire, serving up some tasty roasted fish and potatoes for supper. Mick and Len both joined him for some star gazing, keeping everything friendly and easy.

By the time they headed home, Barry was more comfortable with his former lovers and they seemed more relaxed, if a bit resigned. It was late when they got back home. This time Barry opted to stay with HR while Sara returned to the condo with Len and Mick. Len was thankful Lisa was already asleep when they let themselves in. Sara flopped onto the couch and waved them off when they offered her their bed. 

Mick and Len shoved their backpacks in a corner and stripped down to their underwear before crawling into the bed. Len immediately rolled on top of Mick. He knew his husband was just as exhausted as he was, but they were both heart-sore and saddened. He needed comfort. Mick immediately pulled Len into a fierce kiss. It didn’t take long for them to get lost in the heat, the need for each other. And if, as they neared completion, both men were crying softly, neither commented on it. They just held one another tighter.

* * * 

Len sipped his coffee while he waited for Mick to finish getting dressed so they could head to work. Sara had retreated to their bedroom to get some more sleep before meeting up with John for lunch. Lisa walked in and sat down across from him, crossing her arms. Len sighed softly at her fierce glare. “Yes?”

“Explain it to me,” she demanded. “How could you choose this prick over Mick?”

Len shook his head and set his coffee down. “I have never chosen Barry over Mick. Just like Mick has never chosen Barry over me. We love him, Lisa. We both love him just as much as we love one another. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“He left you!” she argued. “Ran off like a thief in the night!”

Len hesitated a moment before giving voice to something that had bothered him all week. “How did you know?” he asked. “You told me that when he left he came straight here. How did you know that when not even Sara knew where he had gone?”

Lisa’s expression went blank. “What?”

“You said that by the time we knew he was gone, he was living with Oliver Queen. How did you know that?” Lisa looked away, lips pressed into a thin line. Len stared at her for several seconds, anger and betrayal in his eyes. “You knew, all that time, where he was, and you didn’t tell us. You let us think he left because he didn’t want us anymore. Why would you do that? Why would you let us suffer like that?”

“Because I can’t stand the little shit,” she hissed. “I’m not blind! I saw how you were with him! Taking him on trips! The presents! Spending all your time with him! How many times did you say I couldn’t come over because Barry was studying and couldn’t be disturbed? How many visits with me did you cut short because Barry needed a ride home? Mick was just as bad! He didn’t even come to my housewarming because Barry had a cold! You and Mick almost broke up because of him!”

Len’s jaw dropped as he stared at his sister. “You let us suffer because you were jealous?”

“Of that little prick?” Lisa spat. “No! I just want you to see that you’re better off without him!”

“You mean you were better off with him gone,” Mick growled, stepping into the kitchen, buttoning his cuffs. “HR is right. You don’t like sharing and hate that Barry is more important to us than you.”

Lisa gasped, eyes wide with alarm. “What? No, he wasn’t! I’m your sister!”

“Yes, you are,” Len said tiredly. “And we both love you very much. But we also love Barry, Lisa. He’s as important to me as Mick is.”

“Just like he’s just as important as Len,” Mick said sternly.

“Family comes first!” Lisa argued. “You taught me that!”

“And yet, you put your jealousy and insecurity over our happiness,” Mick pointed out. “You ignored our pain and let us suffer because you felt threatened by Barry’s place in our lives.”

Lisa looked from Len to Mick and back, eyes wide with alarm. “I… I… I was protecting...”

“You,” Len interrupted. “You were protecting you,” he said sadly. “Mick’s right. It’s time I stopped coddling you. You’re more than capable of taking care of yourself.”

Lisa shook her head, turning pale. “What do you mean?”

“We lost Barry because we were stupid and arrogant. He will never trust us again. But we have a chance to build a friendship, at least. We’re not going to miss out on that,” Len said firmly. “From here on out, you will treat him with the respect he deserves. No more snide remarks. No more belittling him.”

Lisa’s upper lip curled with derision but Mick placed a hand on her shoulder in warning. “If you cannot do that, then it’s time you went home,” he growled.

Lisa was stunned for several seconds before she forcibly shoved Mick’s hand away and stood up. “I will never accept that asshole!”

Len nodded and stood up. “By the time you’ve packed, I’ll have booked your flight home.”

Her jaw dropped and her hands clenched into fists. Len flinched slightly at the tears gathering in her eyes. Mick reached out again and gently turned her to face him. “It’s time to grow up, sweetheart.”


	13. A Phone Number and an Email

Len groaned as he dropped onto the bench beside Mick. He accepted the bottle of water his husband held out and gulped down half. “My thighs are on fire,” he muttered.

“My ass has never been this sore,” Mick countered. Len smirked, earning himself a glare from Mick. “Shut up.”

Len looked around the corral curiously. “Where’s Barry?”

Mick tilted his head toward the left. “The trainer came and got him. Seems some horse he likes is back from being loaned out as a stud. Should be back soon.”

They relaxed a few minutes more until the trainer came back. She offered both men fresh bottles of water as well as a small jar. “Ointment,” she explained. “Use it liberally. Seriously. That first ride, no matter how gentle, will work muscles you’ve never known you had before. A nice hot bath, maybe a massage, and lots of liniment.”

“I’ll rub you down if you rub me down,” Len smirked.

Mick groaned but kissed him hard for a moment. “Where’s Barry?” he asked, turning back to the trainer.

Dana motioned for them to follow her, which they carefully, slowly did. She hopped up onto the railing surrounding the corral and pointed across the field. Mick and Len watched in awe as Barry rode at what looked like break-neck speed across a field, atop a white horse covered in black spots like a Dalmation. Len’s heart leapt into his throat as Barry led the horse to jump a fence, then a small ditch. He was bent low over the horse’s neck, not quite sitting on the saddle, but sort of hovering over it.

“Damn,” Mick whispered as they watched their former lover race around the field. After a few minutes Barry sat back and eased the horse into a slower gallop. He continued around the large field until he was heading back toward the barn. 

“That’s Waverider,” Dana said with a grin. “He’s a bit high tempered, but an incredible show horse. Barry fell in love the moment he laid eyes on him. For a year he would come here and learn how to ride, then spend ten minutes feeding Wave and making friends. Honestly, I suspect he kept coming back so often just so he would get to ride Wave. When we told him we were putting Wave to stud for a few months, he got teary-eyed.”

“Barry told us how much he loves riding,” Len told her.

Dana nodded. “He does. I’m still waiting for him to realize he’s more at home here than there.”

“What do you mean?”Mick asked.

She shrugged one shoulder and hopped off the rail. “I know the type. He’s happier in the country. Someday he’ll find his perfect spot and leave the hustle and bustle behind. And when he does, I’ll make him a deal for Wave, cause they’ve bonded. When we unloaded Wave from the trailer, he went right to Barry for a welcome home.”

They watched as Barry dismounted and began leading the horse into the barn. They followed and watched silently as Barry unsaddled Waverider then began brushing him down. They could hear him cooing softly as the horse nudged and nuzzled him. After a few minutes Barry gave the horse a kiss on his forehead and a carrot to eat before closing the stall door and heading their way. 

“So, what do you think?” he asked as he got closer.

“I think you’re trying to kill us,” Len grumbled with more amusement than heat.

“I’m crippled,” Mick added. 

Barry laughed and shook his head. “Come on,” he said, leaving the barn and leading the way to the car they had rented for the day. “I have the perfect cure for those sore muscles.”

“Dana mentioned massages,” Len teased with a wink.

Barry rolled his eyes as he got behind the wheel. “Dream on, Snart.”

“So what’s this miracle cure?” Mick asked, sliding gingerly into the backseat. 

“Trust me,” Barry answered.

Len buckled into the passenger seat before giving Barry a sincere smile. “We do, Scarlet.”

* * *

Len and Mick climbed slowly out of the car and looked around. There were a few other cars in the small parking lot and a small building nearby. Barry motioned for them to follow him as he headed in that direction. The sign was in Finnish but neither man was proficient enough to translate it. A large bearded man stepped out of the building and gave Barry a nod.

“Näytät väsyneeltä ,” the guy said gruffly. **(You look tired.)**

Barry smiled and nodded. “Hei, Marcus. Se on ollut pitkä kuukausi. Voimmeko päästä tänne?” **(Hello, Marcus. It's been a long month. Can we get in today?)**

“Kevät kolme on auki.” **(Spring three is open.)**

Barry pulled out his wallet and handed over some money with a nod. “Kiitos.” **(Thank you.)**

The guy nodded and returned to the building and grabbed some towels and robes to hand to Barry. He waved them through the gate and went inside, shutting the door. Mick and Len looked at Barry curiously. Barry just grinned widely. 

“Welcome to the Green Knoll Hot Spring,” he told them.

“Hot spring?” Mick repeated with awe. “Holy shit, Doll! Really? I’ve always wanted to visit one!”

Barry led the way down the stone path, past a few benches and a couple of small outhouse style changing sheds. They could hear people around, but the spring he took them to was sheltered by a small rock wall on one side and trees on the other. “You can change over there, if you need to,” Barry said, pointing to a shed. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

“You’re not staying?” Len asked, disappointed.

Barry shook his head. “I’m going to go find Carter. This is his family’s business. I want to see how he and Julian have been doing.”

Mick studied Barry closely. “You’re really okay with how things ended with you two?”

Barry smiled briefly. “Yeah. We’re good. We weren’t right for one another, but we’re still friends. I’ll be back.”

They watched him walk off before stripping off all their clothes and easing into the steamy water. Mick groaned with pleasure as he submerged up to his neck. Len found a built-in rock shelf and took a seat, the water up to his chest. The heat seeped into his sore muscles and he slowly relaxed. For a long time neither man spoke, just relishing the warmth and beautiful scenery. 

“We’re leaving in five weeks,” Mick said softly.

Len sighed and nodded. “I know.”

“I’m gonna miss him,” Mick admitted. “I… Dammit Len, I don’t want to leave him.”

“What can we do?” Len asked, voice rough with emotion. “We fucked up and there’s no coming back from that, Mick. We have to let him be happy.”

Mick crossed the spring and wrapped his arms around his husband. “I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Len curled into Mick fully. “Me, either.”

***

The next five weeks sped by, much to Len’s dismay. Things between him and Mick were good. Things between them and Barry had solidified into a good friendship. They watched movies or went to the bar. They talked and laughed. They got to know Barry’s friends even better. It wasn’t what they had been hoping for when they arrived, but it wasn’t bad, either.

With the last of his clothes packed, Len turned and sat on the edge of the bed. Mick looked over from where he was double checking the envelope that held their plane tickets, passports and IDs. With a soft sigh, he walked over and sat down beside Len.

“I don’t want to go,” Len admitted.

“I know,” Mick said gently. “Me neither. But we have jobs to get back to. A home. Family and friends.”

“But we won’t have Barry.”

“Yeah, we do,” Mick corrected. “Maybe not physically, but he’ll still be in our lives. Just… from a distance. We’ll be in touch, which is something we didn’t have six months ago.”

“I feel like we failed,” Len admitted. “We came here to win him back. Instead, we’re leaving with an email and a phone number but no Barry.”

“We did win him back,” Mick told him, wrapping his husband in his arms. “We just ended up with a different bond than we hoped for.”

Len curled in closer and nodded. “Is it enough?”

“It has to be.”

They held each other tight for a few more minutes before letting go and standing up. They silently grabbed their bags and walked out into the living room. Barry looked over from the window, arms crossed over his chest. He stared at them for a moment before walking over. He hesitated for a couple of seconds before stepping in close and pulling Mick into a tight hug. They held tight for several seconds before Barry pulled away and turned to wrap his arms around Len. Len’s heart thudded hard in his chest as he held Barry to him. When Barry let go he had to force himself not to hold on longer.

“So, the cab is here,” Barry said huskily. “You have your tickets and everything?”

“Yeah,” Mick answered.

“You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Barry asked.

Len swallowed and shook his head. “Nah. Better this way.”

Barry nodded, eyes a bit wet and red. “Call when you get home? No matter what time it is?”

“We will,” Mick promised.

Barry exhaled and rubbed the back of his neck. “I… god, I’m going to miss you guys,” he admitted.

“Us, too,” Len whispered. Len chewed his bottom lip briefly before dragging a hand down his face. “Fuck it,” he muttered before reaching out and pulling Barry in for a passionate kiss.

When he released Barry, Len turned and walked out the front door. Mick watched him walk to the elevator and press the button before turning back to Barry. He leaned in and gave Barry a soft kiss. 

“Love you, Doll,” he whispered before following his husband.

Barry watched, silent tears sliding down his cheeks until the elevator doors closed and Len and Mick were gone. Then he closed the front door and went to his bedroom. He had already called off for the day, knowing he would be too emotional to work. With a heavy heart he laid down on top of his bed and let himself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end, I swear it! Please don't hunt me down and pelt me with rotten fruit!


	14. Where He Belongs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me over a month to finally find the ending for this story. The original outline for this story was for Len and Mick to find Barry and woo him again after a bad breakup. Lisa had no part in the story and HR was only passingly mentioned. It was much fluffier with only a little bit of angst. Unfortunately, this story took on a life of it's own and changed as I was writing it, making my original ending moot. I sincerely hope you enjoy the ending as much as I do.

“I’m not sure how much more of this I can take,” HR said firmly as he set down his empty bottle. 

Barry ignored him as this was possibly the fifteenth time he had said the same thing this week alone. “I think I’m going to head up to the stables this weekend. Wave is heading out to stud again in a few weeks. I want to get in a bit of quality riding before he goes.”

“Are we really not going to talk about this?” HR asked.

Barry huffed and looked over at him. “What’s to talk about? I’m fine. You’re fine. Work is fine.”

“How about the fact that you’ve been moping for six weeks?”

“I’m not moping,” Barry objected. “I’ve been the same as I was before!”

“Well, you should be moping!” HR argued. “The loves of your life went back to America! You didn’t go with them. You didn’t ask them to stay! You act like nothing has changed, but don’t think I don’t see the dark bags under your eyes or the way you get lost in your head. You miss them, Barry! You love them! I just don’t understand why you won’t go after them!!”

Barry exhaled and shook his head. “Nothing has changed, HR. Do I love them? Yes. Do I miss them? Yes. But that was true before they visited. Okay, so maybe we cleared the air and put old demons to rest, but the facts are the same. They belong together and I am not a part of that. I can’t be. They live halfway around the world and I love it here. We’ve stayed in touch and we found a way to be friends. You know as well as I do that sometimes love just isn’t enough. I want things they can’t give me. Not without screwing them both up.”

“How can you just let them go?” HR asked softly. No, he wasn’t a romantic at heart and he had a pretty jaundiced view of marriage in general, but Barry was his best friend and if anyone deserved to love and be loved, it was him. HR just wanted him to have his perfect relationship.

“I almost destroyed their relationship before,” Barry answered quietly, fighting back the tears trying to form. “I will not be a risk to them again. They’re better off without me, HR.”

HR shook his head. “How can it be better for them to be without the one they love, Barr? Think about it, okay?”

***

Barry shut his laptop and leaned back against the couch tiredly. Skyping with Len and Mick was fun. They chatted about their work, friends, even discussed a new series Mick was hooked on. He liked seeing them, talking to them, building up their friendships.

It was also incredibly painful. HR was right in that Barry wasn’t sleeping well anymore. He had started deliberately lowering the lights in the apartment when he chatted with Mick and Len so they didn’t notice the circles under his eyes again. The one time they did, he had to lie and say he was just working long hours on a problem at work and missed a bit of sleep. 

Barry dragged his hands down his face and stood up. He recognized the depression setting in. He knew he needed to do something about it before it took him over. He just didn’t know what it would take to pull him out of this heartbreak. Time and distance had worked before, but he didn’t think it would help now. Sure, there was distance, at least physically, but with every call, with every text or email, Len and Mick were dragging him in closer. And he wasn’t strong enough to cut ties with them again.

***

Barry literally reached down and pinched his own thigh as he stared at the two men leaning against his front door. One of them was smiling hopefully while the other looked smug. 

“What? No hello?” Len drawled, pushing away from the wall and taking a couple of steps forward. 

Barry gawked for a few more seconds before shaking his head. “I… I don’t understand…”

Mick cleared his throat and walked over to stand beside Len. “Simple, Doll. We ain’t givin’ up.”

“You told us you need to be the center of someone’s world,” Len said calmly. “Well, I think you’re wrong. I think you need to be the center of our world. The fact is, we never stopped loving you, missing you. You still love us, too. We know you do. So, if it takes the rest of our lives, we’re going to be right here, doing everything we can to win you back.”

Barry stared at the two men in shock as he struggled to make sense of what he was hearing. “B-but… your jobs… your family…”

Mick smiled and stepped closer until he could reach up and caress Barry’s cheek. “We’ll get new jobs. We can Skype with Lisa or anyone else. But there’s only one place we wanna be, Doll, and that’s right here, with you.”

Len moved forward until he was close enough for Barry to feel the heat from his body. “So, how likely is it that we can move back into the apartment? We promise to be on our worst behavior.”

“Don’t you mean best?” Barry asked, swallowing nervously.

“We’re at our best when we’re at our worst,” Len teased.

Barry looked from one to the other before sighing in an exaggerated way. “I’m such a sucker for those eyes.”

Len and Mick both grinned widely as Barry slipped between them, unlocked the door and held it open. As soon as everyone was inside and Len and Mick had hung up their jackets, Barry grabbed their suitcases and began moving down the hallway. Len and Mick followed, trying to take the cases.

“Scarlet, we can carry our own bags,” Len pointed out.

Barry snorted loudly. “If you think I’m letting you two decide which drawers are yours, then you’re crazy.”

Len and Mick froze as Barry walked into his bedroom with their bags. They shared a stunned, hopeful look before quickly stepping into the one room of the apartment they had never been in before. Barry had already opened the closet and was shoving his clothes to one side. “Um, Doll?” Mick began hesitantly.

Barry stopped moving but he didn’t turn around. “Under the window,” he said quietly.

Mick and Len turned toward the window, immediately spotting a rolling suitcase. Mick spun back quickly. “Doll?”

“I bought a ticket for Friday,” Barry admitted, still not looking at them. “I’ve spent the last three months missing you so much.” He exhaled and turned to look at them. “I know you can’t promise me forever,” he said softly. “And I can’t promise you that, either. But I’m tired of pretending that I’d rather be alone than be with you both.”

“You were coming to us?” Len asked gently.

Barry nodded. “I’ve put any work I haven’t finished either on hold or I’m passing it off to someone else to work on. I cancelled a trip with Dig and Vinnie for next month. HR was going to drive me to the airport and Sara was going to pick me up and help me surprise you both.”

Mick and Len crowded closer. “Scarlet, please tell us that you’re saying what we hope you’re saying.”

Barry took a deep breath. “I do love you both. I never stopped. The six months you were here were painful and exhausting and wonderful. The three months since you left have been pure hell. I tried, I really did. I did my very best to let you go again.” 

Tears began forming in the corners of Barry’s eyes. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I can’t just let you go. I hate this. I hate feeling so alone now that you’ve gone. Seeing you outside my door tonight? God, Lenny, Mick! It’s like I’m dreaming and never want to wake back up!”

Len surged forward and wrapped his arms around Barry tightly. Mick was only half a second slower to join the embrace. “Never leaving again,” Mick promised gently. “You’re stuck with us, Doll.”

“No matter what happens, it’ll be the three of us, together,” Len swore.

“Yes, please,” Barry sobbed, his voice muffled by Len’s shoulder.

***

HR grinned widely as he pushed his shoulder against Barry’s. “So, when’s the wedding?” he teased.

Barry rolled his eyes fondly as he pushed back. “Dork,” he muttered. “You know that’s not possible.” 

He sipped his beer before looking out onto the dance floor where Carter, Xander, Mick and Len were boxing in Heather and her girlfriends, keeping some buzzed spring-breakers away. “We’re good,” he admitted. “I always thought I needed something more. That I needed a piece of paper that said I belonged to someone and they belonged to me.” He placed his left hand on the table, the ring Mick had shown him months ago shining under the lights of the club. “Turns out all I needed was trust. I trust them with my heart, with everything I am.”

HR watched as Len and Mick glanced their way. The love in their eyes was unmistakable. He stood and downed the rest of his drink before grabbing Barry’s arm and pulling him to his feet. “Come on, sap,” he teased. He led Barry onto the dance floor and wrapped an arm around Heather to dip her. He smirked as Len and Mick crowded Barry between them. It had taken almost nine years, but finally Barry was right where he belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this one since 2016. It's been a long, long road to get to the end and I'm very proud of how it turned out. I hope those of you reading it enjoy it as much as I did writing it.


End file.
